Hello, friend, I feel the optimism and a sense of forward progress toward the end of your post and that made me smile. What a journey you have had. No wonder you are emotionally (and physically?) exhausted. Goodness!!
But it sounds like you have a great support team in your husband, psychologist/counselor and your prosthodontis. Continue to lean on them when you need support. Continue listening to your body...good job on being so in tune with yourself!!
I remember a few months ago, you shared some photos from a little jaunt you took out into nature with your new car. Just you and your pretty, new ride. And it seemed to boost you so to have enjoyed that experience. Hope you can return to doing little things like that. And your lovely art. Walks in nature. Just sitting in a pool of sunshine inside a sunny room. Writing, reading. May all the things you love to do help ease you back to 110%.
Thank you lovely Leslie! I’m doing even better these days since writing that post. I am very grateful for all the “Inner work” I have had to do and to be so kindly supported by friends like you! Xx
It's so easy for fear to take over without us noticing and keep us sick and small. Well done acknowledging it and listening to your body for clarification on what you actually need.
You're doing so well, and I feel so proud of you! And, I might not have ever met B, but I feel like I know him from your photos and writing. His love and care of you is beautiful.
I was referring to this bit ‘ I am the only one it seems who does not always ‘understand’ but I am grateful to be cared for and about by my husband, friends and health professionals.’ just ineloquently
So glad you're on the road to recovery and really sitting with and doing what is best for YOU! health challenges can be...well, challenging, but it's how we react to things that happen in our lives that help (or hurt) and it sounds like you're doing everything you can to help yourself! :) wishing you continued recovery at whatever a pace is best for you :)
Thank you dear Caitlin for dropping by to read and comment. It's been a 'journey' alright but I am getting a sense of recovery and how to live life "as I can and choose" without the overtones of stress and obligation.
The most interesting thing in this is that you are the only one not to understand. That's because you are feeling the emotions - the fear, the anxiety etc. That's overwhelming. It's like grief. It comes out of nowhere in a wave that you can't always see the trigger clearly. But of course the clear headed people around you can pick it straight away.
As for prolapse, that seems a cruel design flaw - our reward for having children. SO mean.
Lastly, I read that it's good to eat 4-6 prunes a day for bone density post menopause. So I'm going to give that a go - it can't hurt.
I’m not sure what you mean about what I don’t understand…but yes I am my worst self critic and learning now that is not the way to go but it’s been life long and embedded within via my upbringing and personality. Thank you for the kind words of compassion. I am doing ok for me…and what I know more about now is that I need to honour my body and mind. Just because I want something fixed and now, it’s not the way. Yes we do “suffer’ for having kids and my GYN told me it’s the way for most of us women who give birth ‘naturally’. Take care, Denyse x
What a truly brave and honest post Denyse, so much of what you have written really resonates with me. I have been on a similar journey to yours and it’s always good to know that you’re not the only one travelling down that road. Learning to let go of some things is a difficult process. One thing I have taught myself since retirement is to say the word NO more often. I have been guilty in the past of taking on too much and feeling overwhelmed, saying No has helped me enormously.
This is another insightful post Denyse, showing how you are responding to all those hard times you've been through. The comments from others say it all perfectly, you are doing well, you're open and honest and by sharing your experiences, others may learn from you too.
Thanks for always being you and I get it, believe me!!
Oh Denyse, I really do 'get' where you're coming from. I too have been a perfectionist my entire life and went from being confident teaching large groups of people to being frightened of going into the supermarket. I used push and challenge myself to do things because I was full of shame and felt everyone must think less of me, when what I needed to do was to stop stressing my already dysregulated nervous system even further! I've always 'thought' my way through life and analysed everything, but I'm slowly learning to stop making meaning out of how I feel and listen to my body. It's difficult for me and a daily practice, but I have definitely quietened my very vocal inner critic. I isolated myself for a couple of years because I felt 'less than' who I was and I felt completely untethered. I feel we need to balance our attention between ourselves and others, rather than feel we have to devote ourselves to everyone else at the expense of our own health. You're not alone and you've been through huge life changes that necessitate self compassion. I feel as if I'm learning to be 'me' at the age of 67 with no map or instructions on how to do that. Sending hugs and go gently with yourself. Creating trust and safety in your body takes time and you're doing just fine 🤗😘 Karen
Your shared experience & honesty helps me feel far less alone! Thanks Karen. We are both doing what we can aren't we within the supportive frameworks that we accept we need! Take care & much love Denyse x
Although our life experiences are different, I feel a kinship in how we respond to ourselves. The feeling of being disappointed in ourselves is so corrosive and I felt that so often. I try to notice when I'm doing it and try to let it go. I guess the main thing is just accepting how we feel and always being kind to ourselves. You've been through such a lot Denyse and you're motivated to live a full life which is wonderful ✨️ x
Yes that is it. Noticing, being kind(er) to ourselves...and for me allowing time to pass...and being patient. I am feeling the connection too and it would seem, that others seeing our conversations here may also know that these are important life issues. I can still feel disappointed (in myself) but know it is far better to share than to hide. Thanks lovely Karen. Your kindness and friendship here are appreciated. Denyse x
💯 I've ordered a self compassion daily journal based on Acceptance Commitment Therapy (been helped over the years by ACT) & I finally feel ready to write💜thank you! D
Oh Denyse, thank you for your honesty as always as I believe there is always someone who reads something like your post and feels better or less alone. I always say we have to do what is right for us and that isn't always easy - especially in a world that tells us what we should/shouldn't could/couldn't would/wouldn't do. You keep taking whatever path you need to find health, wellbeing, calm and peace. Take care and thank you for sharing with us at Wednesday Words & Whimsy. Love Sue L xx #TeamWWWhimsy xx
Thank you Sue for understanding and 'getting it' too. I appreciate that some of these posts are 'heavy' but it helps me to share and see some progress being made too.
Hi Denyse, the mind is a tricky thing, that's for sure. I have a feeling that during your career your probably a perfectionist or near too. I don't mean that as a negative, as I understand that need to do things right. It does however, place pressure on us. You have been feeling that pressure, and I'm really impressed at what you are doing to overcome it. You are very fortunate to have had such a wonderful medical team. Take care of yourself.
Thank you Jennifer. Yes I am someone who likes people to play by the rules of commonsense and good...and as a school principal I did find that a strain..and it too, caused me to have a burnt out career.
It's hard not to be 'who you are' of course and there is a great deal about my type of character and personality that helped me through cancer.
The one thing (!) now is to understand the strain it's been and to take the advice from those who care for and about me.
I am doing what I can, and I now do not see there is an 'end' but as I am finding now learning to adapt to life as it is for me now.
Hi Denyse - I think those who have strong drives to do everything well and on time will always struggle when they don't meet their own expectations, or keep up with their own timetable. We're our own worst critics - but recognizing that and knowing when to listen and when to ignore the words in our head is the key to living life well. It's a slow process getting back from burnout and it's good to pace yourself and to push a little but not too much. You're getting there :)
Hello, friend, I feel the optimism and a sense of forward progress toward the end of your post and that made me smile. What a journey you have had. No wonder you are emotionally (and physically?) exhausted. Goodness!!
But it sounds like you have a great support team in your husband, psychologist/counselor and your prosthodontis. Continue to lean on them when you need support. Continue listening to your body...good job on being so in tune with yourself!!
I remember a few months ago, you shared some photos from a little jaunt you took out into nature with your new car. Just you and your pretty, new ride. And it seemed to boost you so to have enjoyed that experience. Hope you can return to doing little things like that. And your lovely art. Walks in nature. Just sitting in a pool of sunshine inside a sunny room. Writing, reading. May all the things you love to do help ease you back to 110%.
Thank you lovely Leslie! I’m doing even better these days since writing that post. I am very grateful for all the “Inner work” I have had to do and to be so kindly supported by friends like you! Xx
It's so easy for fear to take over without us noticing and keep us sick and small. Well done acknowledging it and listening to your body for clarification on what you actually need.
You're doing so well, and I feel so proud of you! And, I might not have ever met B, but I feel like I know him from your photos and writing. His love and care of you is beautiful.
Thank you dear friend.
I appreciate you noting and caring always.
B is a keeper alright.
Take care, B.
Denyse x
I was referring to this bit ‘ I am the only one it seems who does not always ‘understand’ but I am grateful to be cared for and about by my husband, friends and health professionals.’ just ineloquently
Thank you! X
So glad you're on the road to recovery and really sitting with and doing what is best for YOU! health challenges can be...well, challenging, but it's how we react to things that happen in our lives that help (or hurt) and it sounds like you're doing everything you can to help yourself! :) wishing you continued recovery at whatever a pace is best for you :)
Thank you dear Caitlin for dropping by to read and comment. It's been a 'journey' alright but I am getting a sense of recovery and how to live life "as I can and choose" without the overtones of stress and obligation.
Warm wishes,
Denyse x
The most interesting thing in this is that you are the only one not to understand. That's because you are feeling the emotions - the fear, the anxiety etc. That's overwhelming. It's like grief. It comes out of nowhere in a wave that you can't always see the trigger clearly. But of course the clear headed people around you can pick it straight away.
As for prolapse, that seems a cruel design flaw - our reward for having children. SO mean.
Lastly, I read that it's good to eat 4-6 prunes a day for bone density post menopause. So I'm going to give that a go - it can't hurt.
I’m not sure what you mean about what I don’t understand…but yes I am my worst self critic and learning now that is not the way to go but it’s been life long and embedded within via my upbringing and personality. Thank you for the kind words of compassion. I am doing ok for me…and what I know more about now is that I need to honour my body and mind. Just because I want something fixed and now, it’s not the way. Yes we do “suffer’ for having kids and my GYN told me it’s the way for most of us women who give birth ‘naturally’. Take care, Denyse x
prunes? Wow not for me..but hey why not
What a truly brave and honest post Denyse, so much of what you have written really resonates with me. I have been on a similar journey to yours and it’s always good to know that you’re not the only one travelling down that road. Learning to let go of some things is a difficult process. One thing I have taught myself since retirement is to say the word NO more often. I have been guilty in the past of taking on too much and feeling overwhelmed, saying No has helped me enormously.
Thanks so much Paul. This is why I love a platform like Substack. I am very grateful for the connections and to know, as you say, we are not alone!!
Take care,
Denyse
This is another insightful post Denyse, showing how you are responding to all those hard times you've been through. The comments from others say it all perfectly, you are doing well, you're open and honest and by sharing your experiences, others may learn from you too.
Thanks for always being you and I get it, believe me!!
Deb for #Teamwwwhimsy
Aww I love that...thanks Deb. Love having you in my 'corner' so to speak.
Take care.
Denyse x
Oh Denyse, I really do 'get' where you're coming from. I too have been a perfectionist my entire life and went from being confident teaching large groups of people to being frightened of going into the supermarket. I used push and challenge myself to do things because I was full of shame and felt everyone must think less of me, when what I needed to do was to stop stressing my already dysregulated nervous system even further! I've always 'thought' my way through life and analysed everything, but I'm slowly learning to stop making meaning out of how I feel and listen to my body. It's difficult for me and a daily practice, but I have definitely quietened my very vocal inner critic. I isolated myself for a couple of years because I felt 'less than' who I was and I felt completely untethered. I feel we need to balance our attention between ourselves and others, rather than feel we have to devote ourselves to everyone else at the expense of our own health. You're not alone and you've been through huge life changes that necessitate self compassion. I feel as if I'm learning to be 'me' at the age of 67 with no map or instructions on how to do that. Sending hugs and go gently with yourself. Creating trust and safety in your body takes time and you're doing just fine 🤗😘 Karen
Your shared experience & honesty helps me feel far less alone! Thanks Karen. We are both doing what we can aren't we within the supportive frameworks that we accept we need! Take care & much love Denyse x
Although our life experiences are different, I feel a kinship in how we respond to ourselves. The feeling of being disappointed in ourselves is so corrosive and I felt that so often. I try to notice when I'm doing it and try to let it go. I guess the main thing is just accepting how we feel and always being kind to ourselves. You've been through such a lot Denyse and you're motivated to live a full life which is wonderful ✨️ x
Yes that is it. Noticing, being kind(er) to ourselves...and for me allowing time to pass...and being patient. I am feeling the connection too and it would seem, that others seeing our conversations here may also know that these are important life issues. I can still feel disappointed (in myself) but know it is far better to share than to hide. Thanks lovely Karen. Your kindness and friendship here are appreciated. Denyse x
Yes, sharing helps us to understand we're not the only ones feeling this way, so shame can't get a hold of us x
💯 I've ordered a self compassion daily journal based on Acceptance Commitment Therapy (been helped over the years by ACT) & I finally feel ready to write💜thank you! D
Oh Denyse, thank you for your honesty as always as I believe there is always someone who reads something like your post and feels better or less alone. I always say we have to do what is right for us and that isn't always easy - especially in a world that tells us what we should/shouldn't could/couldn't would/wouldn't do. You keep taking whatever path you need to find health, wellbeing, calm and peace. Take care and thank you for sharing with us at Wednesday Words & Whimsy. Love Sue L xx #TeamWWWhimsy xx
Thank you Sue for understanding and 'getting it' too. I appreciate that some of these posts are 'heavy' but it helps me to share and see some progress being made too.
Thanks for helping Min out for the link up too.
Take care,
Denyse x
Hi Denyse, the mind is a tricky thing, that's for sure. I have a feeling that during your career your probably a perfectionist or near too. I don't mean that as a negative, as I understand that need to do things right. It does however, place pressure on us. You have been feeling that pressure, and I'm really impressed at what you are doing to overcome it. You are very fortunate to have had such a wonderful medical team. Take care of yourself.
Thank you Jennifer. Yes I am someone who likes people to play by the rules of commonsense and good...and as a school principal I did find that a strain..and it too, caused me to have a burnt out career.
It's hard not to be 'who you are' of course and there is a great deal about my type of character and personality that helped me through cancer.
The one thing (!) now is to understand the strain it's been and to take the advice from those who care for and about me.
I am doing what I can, and I now do not see there is an 'end' but as I am finding now learning to adapt to life as it is for me now.
Take care,
Demyse x
I agree with everything Leanne said. Don’t ever underplay what you’ve been through in the last 8 years.
Thanks so much Jo. It's a mix of emotions I feel about that time...I am doing something about it but it's still hard.
I appreciate your insight.
Take care,
Denyse x
Hi Denyse - I think those who have strong drives to do everything well and on time will always struggle when they don't meet their own expectations, or keep up with their own timetable. We're our own worst critics - but recognizing that and knowing when to listen and when to ignore the words in our head is the key to living life well. It's a slow process getting back from burnout and it's good to pace yourself and to push a little but not too much. You're getting there :)
Ah Leanne, you understand me so well from your reflections here.
I see you get it too. "sigh"
It is a slow process and already today I have 'disappointed' myself but at least I am aware...and now taking care to be kind to me too.
Thanks as always for your kind and warm words,
Take care,
Denyse x