Words Matter & Why I Am Making Changes

To My Inner Dialogue.

Welcome to Denyse Whelan Writes Here.

This is a longish post as it was written over some days in June 2025.

Words Matter & Why I Am Making Changes.

Over the past five months or so I have become embedded in a series of expressions, describing me, around my health. They were necessary for me to finally grasp the understanding I had ‘refused’ to note and acknowledge for some years.

Those words included the most of the following:

• doctor’s diagnosis of emotional exhaustion

• my husband’s observations of me being burned out

• a decade of many challenges for me personally:

• family relationship changes and more

• places of residence changed: renting on the coast after selling in Sydney, then moving back to Sydney to rent

• traumatic times with a rare cancer diagnosis

• grieving from losses related to my health and age

• the death of my father and subsequent business of being a co-executor

• illness including prolapse repairs done surgically

• and irritable bowel syndrome

And those words, phrases and diagnoses put ‘me’ into a place of fear, reaction and worry about my overall lifespan and health.

I became linked to those words, and for a good reason, as it was true I had become mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted but was not prepared to ‘accept it all as true for me’ until I literally had to.

I use selfies as a record of my inner health

Memories Serve Me…

At times they are for good.

And at other times I can become enmeshed in the memories of negative and challenging experiences that I cannot ‘see’ how I could return to places, people and become social again.

It truly was for me, in January 2025 into all of February, further into March and some of April that my overall health changes took away my confidence within, my spirit of connection and a general malaise was within because…I was both fearful (of going anywhere because of possible I.B.S.) and ashamed of my ill-health…

Trouble with being a ‘black and while’ ‘all or nothing’ person is that it is not helpful in lifting us out of where we might be STUCK….

And I did seek help, and got help medically and psychologically, and have the most caring, patient (and counsellor-trained) husband…and over time I was very motivated to HELP myself.

It Was IS Not Fast Nor Slow.

Recovery from the range of health and life issues that had seen me unwell for that long-ish period of time requires:

• time

• tools for self help

• writing

• art and more

• journalling

• being in nature

• taking steps towards being ‘out there again

• being kind to myself…

• self talk

Now It’s June And This Is the Change I am Choosing.

It’s to be more focussed on my progress towards a recovery that works for me, and that I acknowledge getting better is a non-linear path. Sigh!!

And quite likely will be is ‘longer than I thought’

Words I am choosing to use include:

• progress is seen and felt

• in recovery working towards the way I want to live life now

• doing better over time and acknowledging the path I am taking to achieve this

• changing me within means adopting some new words/responses around my boundaries

• using my voice to meet my needs

• and, accepting that some of the post-emotional exhaustion brought on by a decade of trauma will still be there, and that I need to respect my body

• letting my body, then my mind, help me with choices moving forward

• no longer pleasing anyone before me..not selfish but self-care centred

From Mon 2 June. My first catch up with a friend.

• I can have great ideas and plans to help me change…

• to move forward after a long period of being unwell…

• but my body and mind can decide differently.

Using some of the tools I rely on..because they are good for me, and help me track improvements (because I need to know I am….)

on Thursday 5 June, I thought I was set for making a medical appointment I had already postponed twice.

FEAR began to rise in me during that evening and it took some helpful words from my husband and my thinking to be challenged for me to get to sleep and see how I was in the morning.

Woke cold…because it was a freezing winter morning and decided bed was the place to stay and ‘how tough I feel it is for me now…’ until I realised what was happening!

SELF PITY was taking over.

NOOOO. I knew I had to change the dynamic in my head…and I did. I became self-compassionate and once more used my thinking for GOOD.

I did.
I got up, dressed and had a small breakfast, and occupied my hands and mind with some reading and art.

Then I drove to my appointment for my 2 years DEXA to check my osteopenia progress. I stopped off once I had parked the car, to admire the greenery over the pathway and to check out nature. It was so worth it. It re-filled that sensory experience.

And I had my test…I was sure it was OK and it was with my doctor telling me I was ‘still in osteopenia’ and she gave me some basic care plans & my next test is in 2 years.

Update from 16 June 2025.

Today I have been given a message from my body that meant I needed to heed it and stay home from a planned eye doctor appointment. I have no issues as such it was a re-scheduled annual appointment. I will catch up with it another time.

The body message was when I began to have symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome arrive the night before and then by the morning they meant I had to cancel that appointment.

Here’s what I now THINK was happening in my subconscious is that I was TRYING to make this appointment a ‘test’ of me before the BIGGER one I was concerned about at Westmead to see my prosthodontist in 2 weeks. I have always been a stickler for keeping appointments anywhere and this one I had put off twice.

I listened properly to my body and knew instinctively that my post-trauma fear relating to my head and neck cancer was still relatively high. Despite all my ‘planning and thinking’ how I could make it to Westmead in 2 weeks, today I accepted I cannot YET.

People Understand and I Am Grateful.

I am the only one it seems who does not always ‘understand’ but I am grateful to be cared for and about by my husband, friends and health professionals.

I spoke to my prosthodontist today and he wants me to take all the time I need to recover from this emotion-based illness and he was so kind. My mouth is OK for me to continue to maintain and he said ‘ring back’ for a new appointment when you are ready.

We have known each other for over 8 years now!

I know this was a long one to read and I hope you have an idea anyway of the path I am using to recover…not straight like this one but with some curves and unevenness….and great companionship along the way with B.

Take care,

Do let me know if you struggle with ‘perfection’ and ‘black and white thinking’…and how you manage…

Denyse x

I am linking up with Min and friends too here for WWWhimsy and am grateful for that kind place in the world of blogging. I understand that friends Sue from here and Debbie from here are hosting for now.