I love the photo of the two of you that your granddaughter took, and I love this "We laugh a lot. That is such a good way to connect." It really is a good way to bond. As for looking at the past, I think we could all have done things better but we forget what it's like to walk with the emotional weight of the problem/issue daily and that clouded our abilities to cope and resilience. So yes in hindsight we can learn and think we'd do much better next time but I think we also have to understand when you are bogged down, every little thing is difficult. And that's ok.
Thanks so much for your insight too. I recently saw a talk about decisions by Dr Ellen Langer and whichever you choose, that's it. And if it doesn't work out it also DOES NOT mean it would have with the other choice either. She is someone who is an academic around mindfulness and I have just found her words and work. Brilliant.
Another insightful post Denyse, you are so good at putting things into words and working through things together with B. Continue with the self compassion as you deserve it!
Thanks Deb, I appreciate your words of understanding. I admit, this post got one heck of an edit because when i first wrote it my mood was all over the place. B had a few changes to offer and I let time pass (always a good idea) and then the post was ready.
I am enjoying your posts and pics from the UK and understand it must be feeling harder 'at this end' of the current stay.
She is a clever woman, Lori, who went through her own dramas in life. I have one of her books. Just arrived today is a Tiny Buddha "sayings for every day in 2025" so that will be a nice companion I am sure.
How observant and clever of you Catherine to mark the changes you see in me. I admit, I was very stressed in the lead up to, and Dad's death, then the rest that needs to be done ...as they say...
I am slowly and surely feeling that too. It's very reassuring for me.
I loved reading about your daily routine Denyse. I think it's very healthy that you and B do things together but are able to be a little bit separate at times. As someone who is very good at self criticism, I find self compassion is difficult, but as I'm ageing, I'm getting better at being kinder to myself. Always such wise and kind words in your posts Denyse.
I know when two people are retired together (i.e both at home) as we are mostly now, there needs to be some give and take and being apart is good for us too as we can share again once we are back together.
I seem to recall some annoyance when Dad first retired.. not that he wasn't able to look after himself, he could, but Mum did not want to give up her "card days" and "probus days" etc. Dad joined a couple of organisations to volunteer his accounting skiils, and he still played golf a few times a week.
I am glad to know you are taking care of YOU more kindly too.
Your daily routine looks so balanced and healthy. And how blessed you are with your wise husband to support you! It's important to look at all the good things we've accomplished in life! Everything "our fault" should be seen as life lessons!
I can relate so much to self-criticism as a default. I'm working hard on self-compassion and made it a priority when I turned 50, but it's been hard this year, definitely a work in progress.
That quote about forgiving yourself is so spot on and helpful!
Love that pic of you both. I think self compassion is so important - we usually have so much empathy and compassion for others yet we find it so hard to find some for ourselves! I enjoyed the insight into your day and loved your list of achievements - you've done so much and really rolled with the punches!
Hi Denyse, this is such a lovely post and I love that final photograph of you both! I think it's lovely that you have things you do together and yet you have your independence to pursue your individual interests. With regards to self compassion ... I'm always learning but I'm getting better. I do realise for example that current times for me are very challenging and I need to do whatever I can to look after myself and that includes forgiving myself for not doing everything that I think I should be doing and it includes resting or taking time out for myself if I'm feeling overwhelmed or sad. Thank you for linking up with #WWWhimsy and for all your support to me xo
Thanks so much Prue. Itās always helpful to know how others read and perceive what we write. Iām doing ok and value the place of having somewhere to write like this and meet up with others like yourself. I am pretty sure I do follow that person too. And I appreciate your sharing. We are fortunate women arenāt we! Denyse x
Hi Denyse I wrote a post a few years ago about self-compassion because it was another one of those areas of self-worth that our kids' generation are so good at, and that I seem to have missed out on discovering until Midlife. I do think being kind to ourselves helps us to be more resilient and robust when we come up against difficult people and situations - and having a loving partner who supports us is such an absolute blessing!
Hi Denyse, another insightful post from you and a gentle reminder to us all. I'm not sure why we are so hard on ourselves but once we let go and start treating ourselves with kindness, life certainly opens up. Look at you go! You are an inspiration. xx #TeamWWWhimsy
Thank you Sue for your kind and understanding words. I tend to think we grew up in homes with a high expectation of particular behaviours from our parents, and of course their parents would have been similar.
So, I take that understanding and apply it to my 'negative' and 'unhelpful' thoughts when they appear and remind myself "I am doing the best I can right now".
A beautiful post reminding us all to find self compassion. Your husband is very insightful in that respect.
Congratulations on 54 years together - an amazing achievement in this day and age.
And btw you go to bed far later than me and Iām younger than you! š
Thank you kindly Janine.
Take care,
Denyse x
I love the photo of the two of you that your granddaughter took, and I love this "We laugh a lot. That is such a good way to connect." It really is a good way to bond. As for looking at the past, I think we could all have done things better but we forget what it's like to walk with the emotional weight of the problem/issue daily and that clouded our abilities to cope and resilience. So yes in hindsight we can learn and think we'd do much better next time but I think we also have to understand when you are bogged down, every little thing is difficult. And that's ok.
Thanks so much for your insight too. I recently saw a talk about decisions by Dr Ellen Langer and whichever you choose, that's it. And if it doesn't work out it also DOES NOT mean it would have with the other choice either. She is someone who is an academic around mindfulness and I have just found her words and work. Brilliant.
Warm wishes,
Denyse x
Another insightful post Denyse, you are so good at putting things into words and working through things together with B. Continue with the self compassion as you deserve it!
Thanks Deb, I appreciate your words of understanding. I admit, this post got one heck of an edit because when i first wrote it my mood was all over the place. B had a few changes to offer and I let time pass (always a good idea) and then the post was ready.
I am enjoying your posts and pics from the UK and understand it must be feeling harder 'at this end' of the current stay.
Take care,
Denyse x
Lori Deschene certainly had it right when she wroteā¦ā¦ The past is behind you, and it
can only control you if you let it.
And by the looks of your photo at Castle Hill you are following up on the second half of the quoteā¦.. focus on doing the best you can going forward.
There is a ācalm, more peaceful, happy and looking for funā look in your eyes we havenāt seen for a while.
She is a clever woman, Lori, who went through her own dramas in life. I have one of her books. Just arrived today is a Tiny Buddha "sayings for every day in 2025" so that will be a nice companion I am sure.
How observant and clever of you Catherine to mark the changes you see in me. I admit, I was very stressed in the lead up to, and Dad's death, then the rest that needs to be done ...as they say...
I am slowly and surely feeling that too. It's very reassuring for me.
Take care,
Denyse x
I loved reading about your daily routine Denyse. I think it's very healthy that you and B do things together but are able to be a little bit separate at times. As someone who is very good at self criticism, I find self compassion is difficult, but as I'm ageing, I'm getting better at being kinder to myself. Always such wise and kind words in your posts Denyse.
Thanks Jennifer.
I know when two people are retired together (i.e both at home) as we are mostly now, there needs to be some give and take and being apart is good for us too as we can share again once we are back together.
I seem to recall some annoyance when Dad first retired.. not that he wasn't able to look after himself, he could, but Mum did not want to give up her "card days" and "probus days" etc. Dad joined a couple of organisations to volunteer his accounting skiils, and he still played golf a few times a week.
I am glad to know you are taking care of YOU more kindly too.
Denyse x
Your daily routine looks so balanced and healthy. And how blessed you are with your wise husband to support you! It's important to look at all the good things we've accomplished in life! Everything "our fault" should be seen as life lessons!
I can relate so much to self-criticism as a default. I'm working hard on self-compassion and made it a priority when I turned 50, but it's been hard this year, definitely a work in progress.
That quote about forgiving yourself is so spot on and helpful!
It's taken a while for sure Susanne, to not only make some of the changes and to keep going...and I am (mostly) now reaping those rewards.
I am glad you are seeing this for yourself at 50. I left it way to long but life was, as they say, very different then.
Lovely to see you commenting here today.
Thank you and take care,
Denyse x
Love that pic of you both. I think self compassion is so important - we usually have so much empathy and compassion for others yet we find it so hard to find some for ourselves! I enjoyed the insight into your day and loved your list of achievements - you've done so much and really rolled with the punches!
Thanks Sam. I think I can be over-critical and B was the editor of this post on two occasions..nice to know how he views me too.
I am indeed very fortunate and need to remember this and how I have moved along from all that was stressful way back.
And you my friend have been along for the ride for over 8 years with me!!
Take care,
Denyse x
Hi Denyse, this is such a lovely post and I love that final photograph of you both! I think it's lovely that you have things you do together and yet you have your independence to pursue your individual interests. With regards to self compassion ... I'm always learning but I'm getting better. I do realise for example that current times for me are very challenging and I need to do whatever I can to look after myself and that includes forgiving myself for not doing everything that I think I should be doing and it includes resting or taking time out for myself if I'm feeling overwhelmed or sad. Thank you for linking up with #WWWhimsy and for all your support to me xo
Ah Min, I appreciate your kind words as always but these are particularly special as I know how hard it's been on you and for you for the past years.
Caring for a loved one you are so close to and being their spokesperson is a challenge all round.
Your determination to do and be all you can for your Mum is admirable but I am pleased you are noting the need for both self-compassion and care.
It's OK...to stop, to walk, to do something for you.
I get it though and I send you my love.
It IS a nice photo of us ...by a skilled granddaughter who knows her stuff!!
Take care,
Denyse x
You write it so well and so simply, Denyse.
I don't know if you follow David Michie on Substack, but today he mentioned a Zoom one is able to sign up for a group session with David's own guru, Zasep Tulku Rinpoche, a Tibetan monk. https://davidmichie.substack.com/p/a-rare-opportunity-for-online-teachings .
I checked it out and rather like the one on Lo Jong which I think is a process of moving our minds toward self-compassion and empathy for others.
I like how your own day is designed to keep you grounded. And that your husband is so wise. Mine's the same.
Take care.
Thanks so much Prue. Itās always helpful to know how others read and perceive what we write. Iām doing ok and value the place of having somewhere to write like this and meet up with others like yourself. I am pretty sure I do follow that person too. And I appreciate your sharing. We are fortunate women arenāt we! Denyse x
Hi Denyse I wrote a post a few years ago about self-compassion because it was another one of those areas of self-worth that our kids' generation are so good at, and that I seem to have missed out on discovering until Midlife. I do think being kind to ourselves helps us to be more resilient and robust when we come up against difficult people and situations - and having a loving partner who supports us is such an absolute blessing!
Thank you so much for your insightful comment of support Leanne.
You too bring much understanding and compassion for us all to consider.
I am grateful indeed. And yes, to being so fortunate for each of us to have our loving partners,
Take care,
Denyse x
Hi Denyse, another insightful post from you and a gentle reminder to us all. I'm not sure why we are so hard on ourselves but once we let go and start treating ourselves with kindness, life certainly opens up. Look at you go! You are an inspiration. xx #TeamWWWhimsy
Thank you Sue for your kind and understanding words. I tend to think we grew up in homes with a high expectation of particular behaviours from our parents, and of course their parents would have been similar.
So, I take that understanding and apply it to my 'negative' and 'unhelpful' thoughts when they appear and remind myself "I am doing the best I can right now".
And you are too, by the way!!
Take care,
Denyse x