Remembering May 2017.

It Changed Me Forever.

Welcome to Denyse Whelan Writes Here.

Dear May 2017,

I was not sure I wanted to remember you much.

However I am a time-keeper, memory maker and to be honest “burnout” by lots that happened to me in 2017…..

Yet I feel I need to mark the occasion…as they say.

Here’s my snapshots and a few words, and they will do…

Love from Denyse x

AND the reason I was a bit more reluctant than in past years is my diagnosis of ‘emotional exhaustion/burnout’ in January 2025 from the trauma of this time in my life…but by not sharing it I would be avoiding a difficult time…and NOW I am both acknowledging and accepting it was…and am very grateful to be feeling well again.

For over 6 months… I missed Sydney Harbour but was so exhausted, anxious and unwell by how the past decade had been I needed TIME and INNER work to recover..and here’s my little collage….

Back to May 2017.

After having the sorest mouth for no reason until the teeth and bridge were removed …see this post…just before Mother’s Day 2017 I had a number of medical tests and an urgent biopsy at the Oral Surgeon’s place where my dentist sent me.

My mouth continued to be sore (and smelly) and on the morning of Wednesday 17th May the Oral Surgeon rang me and told me as kindly as she could that

“squamous cell carcinoma was detected in the biopsy”

I was strangely relieved…sad too but there WAS something there. Not that I wanted cancer.

I was grateful (still am) for the love and care from my social media community when I shared my news.

I was joined by B who arrived back home in a hurry from his counselling role helpingh others…when he heard the news…and I got into ‘doing mode’

With an urgent referral to a “dr” JC in Sydney’s Chris O’Brien Lifehouse, and my phone call getting me an appointment the next day…

All my stressors took off (I.B.S., fear etc) and we saw our caring G.P. for a last minute chat and help. I had been, until this day, very anxious about driving anywhere on the M1 but I “had to do this”…2 hour drive from Central Coast to Sydney.

Thursday 18th May off we set around midday for our first return to Sydney, over the Bridge in some years. There were 4 toilet stops on the way for nervous me.

This was, as I know, from my Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, the ultimate in ‘exposure therapy.’

Sydney Harbour Bridge…from our northerly drive to the city.

At the hospital a calm came over me as I entered this unique place that had been the initiative of the late Prof Chris 'O’Brien and I was OK initially in the two person consultation we had with A/Prof AE and Prof JC about my mouth and how they could help….then…

THIS

WAS

WHEN IT BECAME

A VERY

TRAUMATIC

TIME

as I absorbed the details once the men had physically examined me AND put the scope down my throat..and talked to us both about their ‘positivity’ and prospects as best they could see (without lab results which would happen in surgery) and I signed my name to this:

• Permission for Maxillectomy (taking all of my upper mouth, jaw, remaining teeth, palate and part of my under top right lip…) where cancer was found..

• And surgery to my (left here but right it was) leg where the fibula, skin and flesh would be harvested to make a reconstructed upper mouth.

• Dental implants would be made into the ‘new jaw’ from my leg bone…and this surgery would be around `11 hours and I would be in I.C.U. for some days after, maybe with a tracheotomy (I did not need it, phew)

And that was when I really reacted emotionally and physically with tears and some shaking. Before I signed, B took me on a ‘little walk’ to here and after 1/2 of a valium I was OK to return and reassure the surgeons I understood what was entailed.

The corridor took us to the windows overlooking St Andrew’s College in Sydney Uni and I felt comforted by that view.

The trip home, in evening peak hour was actually OK because “we knew more about what was ahead…and B and I felt that we had landed in the best place for me and this unusual (very) diagnosis for an older woman and those who could help me most.

But wait, and this is where it started to feel rushed and a bit more scary for me.

Trips to Westmead. The next 2 weeks in May.

Whilst the surgical teams were well prepared and I had an idea of what was to come, I had no real concept of the involvement of professionals from Westmead Oral Restorative Sciences where the Prosthodontist, Dr D would be so well known to me we shared family updates…but not then.

I was still in some shock and not being 100% aware of all that was being done for and about me in the chair at the prosthodontist felt scary. I even cried a bit. I was asked by the nurse who has also become a friend now, “why are you crying?”….”I only found out I have cancer a week ago”.

Nevertheless the professionalism of this team (who worked in conjunction with my surgeons back then….it’s changed a lot in the past 2 years thanks to improved planning and making of prosthetics…was/is amazing. In fact I will be back there soon for another check up even though my cancer surveillance has ended.

from the team planning for me. It would be 7 weeks until surgery as my model for my mouth was being made in Belgium

That’s about it from this time in May 2017.

Reading about it again, seeing the copious notes, blog posts, photos and more makes me glad and grateful I kept all the records.

Folders of my records and being part of the Australian Head and Neck Cancer Community.

I am acknowledging the challenges it was and that I have now worked on to heal.

I will, most likely, write and share again when it’s appropriate.

AND…because I like the notion of this…from the day of diagnosis until the day my surgeon declared me (no evidence of disease) …spanned:

1, 9 6 7 days of my life! 17 May 2017-4 October 2022.

Marking the occasion via social media once this post is published.

Thank you for reading what is not news for some, but may be for others.

My blogging friends were/are such an important part of my healing too.

Always grateful, as I am today…

Denyse x

I am linking up with Min and friends too here for WWWhimsy and am grateful for that kind place in the world of blogging.