Welcome to Denyse Whelan who has a free space (thank you Substack!)
to Write Here!
Thank you for following, reading and commenting. This is why I write…to connect!
On Monday 16th September 2024 I found that I had made some significant shifts in my understanding of myself which would, over time, help me see that I am entirely worthy of my self-compassion and love.
In fact, when I shared them with B, my husband, he responded with “you are very insightful”.
“Oh,” I said, “Thank you, I have been told that before by my doctors and psychologists”.
But, and for me, there is OFTEN a ‘but’, what have I done about those insights?
Sure I have understood them within me, and I know I have made significant changes to self-care, and changed behaviours but there was, until this morning when I am writing, NO real and lasting application within me.
Confused? Sorry! More to come.
More on the insights!
I give myself credit for putting my image (as above) out in the world via social media.
I began this around the time of my oral cancer diagnosis in 2017
Initially I thought I did the selfies as a way of measuring my recovery after surgeries in 2017 and 2018
Then I realised, and this is still the case, that I do them to learn to LIKE what I see.
This is where I know I have struggled.
Despite others’ encouragement and praise of and for me, I have not completely integrated this at all.
I see the criticism of myself first.
I hear the critical self-talk.
I actually recognise the above and try to put a stop to it.
I have, in the past, blamed others close to me, for this but now I see (and feel)
this is about me and my place in my birth family
my ‘feted’ self as a baby and growing up as a first child and first granddaughter
my disappointment IN myself when I could not be ‘perfect’ in so many ways
often ‘feeling’ not well-understood by my parents
holding a kind of negative grudge about all of the above
However, I will not return to ways in which I acted negatively to me and others.
Instead I am taking the path to GROWTH and this REALISATION of what comes now for me.
Each morning, before I get out of bed, I do my Daily Calm meditation (a routine of over 5 years) and answer the question based on reflection, on this occasion however, as I wrote on Monday 16 September, tears began to fall.
Tears, for me, are a sign of recognising my true feelings.
They are letting me know I am needing to allow this change to happen
And, they brought me to a place of self-awareness I had not experienced in a lasting way ever.
THIS:
Recognising that things & experiences don't last & the one thing I need to do most is ACCEPT & LOVE who I am NOW & have always been. It's not about change after all, it's about loving me AS I AM
From Tara Brach
"May I love & accept myself just as I am"
OH the relief and release since writing that, sharing it with B and living it….is something I cannot properly process but I know it is sitting within me as a lovely and loving me.
AND
IT
FEELS
GOOD.
And this now IS true!
About Insights:
A quote here about emotional insight helped me, but truly it’s about seeing within what needs to be changed/shifted without the critical inner voice stepping in first.
True emotional insight: Emotional awareness of the motives and feelings within and of the underlying meaning of symptoms, whether the awareness leads to changes in personality, and future behaviour; openness to new ideas and concepts about self and important people in the person's life.
And my inner measure is that my self-talk is more positive and encouraging, and the knot in my gut is undoing.
I am pleased to BE ME.
And some of the ways in which I encourage and support my inner health are here:
being in nature (trying to get those sweet peas to flower!) my buddhist-centred readings, watching flowers bloom, and creating via art and words.
Do you have an inner critic?
Are you able to counter that ‘inner voice’?
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Denyse.
Here I am joining with Min and friends for here Wednesday’s Words and Whimsy today.
And for the time it’s needed I’ve become a member of #TeamWWWhimsy to ensure the commenting is shared and conversations continue.
Hi Denyse, it's so importnat to connect the feelings with the actions as you have been doing. Well done on making this breakthrough and sharing your thoughts with us. #TeamWWWhimsy
Denyse, Congrats on the progress you've made on your self-love journey! You have great self-awareness and tools to find inner peace. For me, I am grateful for where I am at in life and feel content with myself. Every morning when I wake up, I'm thankful for a new day and new possibilities. It's a great day when I am able to do something good for my health, my family, friends and have some fun. Have a wonderful week! #TeamWWWhimsy