Welcome to Denyse Whelan’s substack where my word and pics are shared most weeks here and a via blog link up in Australia. Details at the end of this post.
Learning to BE Self-Compassionate ME.
I have found trying to be self-compassionate is hard.
From what I read quite a lot of us do too.
I am, I guess, a victim of my age and upbringing in the 1950s and 60s where it was expected that I would do well, and if I did not there would be some self (and from others) criticism. I know we are loaded with an inner critic for a ‘good reason’ to keep us safe from dangers. Of course, that’s been part of evolution making us the humans we are today.
In recovering from my emotional exhaustion/burnout it has actually been even HARDER to be self-compassionate as my inner critic wants me well again and ‘back into the world’.
And guess what ….none of that is working so well.
I’ve been reading up on more on self-compassion lately and the role it can play in our inner lives and work by Dr Kristin Neff is at the forefront.
Defined by Kristin Neff (www.selfcompassion.org), self-compassion has three components:
Self-kindness vs. Self-judgment. ...
Common humanity vs. Isolation. ...
Mindfulness vs. Over-identification.
There is a test here for seeing how people fare with self-compassion. I have taken it quite a bit over the years, and whilst I do improve a bit, I still cannot find self-compassion with ease.
To focus myself each day for the first 12 days of July I shared an image on Instagram that, for me, showed some self-compassion.
These are the first four.
Using the self-compassion cards to dip in and out of has been fun. And writing in the Self-Compassion Journal is a daily exercise to keep me thinking and considering how I “used” to tell myself messages of criticism and how I can change the script.
I am using this via the ACT theory. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and it’s hard work. No easy roads. I now have that journal and I am benefitting from actually writing in these books. Not typing, writing. Apparently that helps with mind/brain connections.
And yes, it will be worth it.
I AM WORTH IT!
Some words by others:
“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.”
— Christopher Germer
“Painful feelings are, by their very nature, temporary. They will weaken over time as long as we don’t prolong or amplify them through resistance or avoidance. The only way to eventually free ourselves from debilitating pain, therefore, is to be with it as it is. The only way out is through.”
— Kristin Neff
“This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.”
— Kristin Neff
“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.”
— Dalai Lama
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”
— Jack Kornfield
So, I will continue to practise my self compassion each day (and each time I go into inner critic mode) and remember…and just to stay honest, in a chat with B on Sunday afternoon I admitted that I think my emotional exhaustion actually started a year ago..not diagnosed “officially” till 6 months ago. I am LEARNING emotional healing is ‘harder when you (I) are hard on yourself.
We are all works-in-progress right…
I found this out on Monday when my Irritable Bowel Syndrome returned, keeping me home, just as I was planning to attend an appointment at my podiatrist. I have many thoughts and feelings around this recurrence…BUT, yet I am doing what I can to be kind to myself. A post I wrote 6 months ago is worth a read if you wanted to know more about how I.B.S. has affected me.
Tell me how you manage self compassion and/or your inner critic…and if you are free of that last one..well-done!
Take care,
Denyse x
I am linking up with Min and friends too here for WWWhimsy and am grateful for that kind place in the world of blogging.
You can just not listen to the inner critic. Tell her to shut up. I don't listen to lots of advice people give me so why would I listen to that? Easier said than done but I have noticed the times I've ignored it, worn the outfit I'm too fat for or look stupid in, strangers give me compliments, all most every time. So I know my inner critic is often wrong about my appearance.
I'm sorry the IBS is back in force. You were doing so well. That will be a blow to confidence (as well as the physical blow). I think maybe you should think of all the things WE'VE said about you. Week after week there is a comment from someone seeing you from the outside (of your head) who is AMAZED at how strong you are, how resilient you are and what a go getter you are travelling all over Sydney. Maybe our voices could argue with your inner critic? She sounds incredibly wrong in her opinion.....
Such insightful words Denyse and yes it is hard to stop listening to that inner voice at times. You really are doing amazingly and I hope that by sharing your thoughts that you get some relief. I also love all the lovely comments which are helpful and caring.
Take care xx