Are You A Confident Person?

I used to think I was.

Regular readers will know I like to do a bit of looking back and remembering “how far I have come” and this image was one which I created after a memory popped up in my photo feed so I made this collage:

8 Years Apart. They tell a story of me for me.

In 2016 I was NOT confident as I was in the midst of the various life transitions which were retirement, selling our house, moving to the coast and I had some anxiety related conditions. I did have some psychological help and by the end of 2016, into 2017 I became worse …but it would soon be uncovered that I had cancer inside my upper gums…. Me of last Sunday, 8 years older and somewhat wiser…but still ‘asking the question at times..”am I OK?”

Recently I have noticed my self-confidence has waned.

I am not sure if it is related to ageing…as so much health-wise seems to be:

“Oh it’s your age”

I am a bit reluctant to use that reason but perhaps there is something in it as far as physical and emotional energies can change in age.

Don’t even mention my recent eye sight check where I NEED new readers…argh!

I was of the opinion that returning to Sydney after eight years away early 2023 would open up my inner and outer world again.

I mean that I had lots of thoughts about what I had missed and was quite excited about what lay ahead.

What I did not expect, silly ignorant me, was how much emotional energy it all took from me to:

• decide to move back, and then to take on the administrative load (and some of the packing load) whilst my husband did the majority of culling of big items, and selling of many tools,

• and living in that kind of ‘limbo’ from November 2022 to early February 2023 was a breeding ground of uncertainty for my personality type who needs security, belonging and housing that works for us….where it works for us….

• even writing this I can recall the tummy wobbles and the anxiety that grew from the many unknowns of what would be…

March 2023 into around May I felt less confident than ever. I remained anxious about meeting up with people, even though that was one of my great plans upon returning to Sydney.

I was disappointed in myself (perfectionist streak, eldest child etc) and had some down moments but my female GP championed me describing all I had done, and had happen in my recent life, and suggested some mindful walking in nature every day.

And it really helped as a focus.

I slowly but surely built some of my inner confidence and started to catch up with friends and family until mid November 2023 when I became ill with RSV then Covid.

Something tells me that maybe overcoming viruses like these take a toll on the body (and the mind?) and in fact, my lungs have not recovered 100% yet. I am awaiting the result of a lung function test.

But I am still doing some gentle walking in nature as long as the weather stays reasonable (it’s been very unreasonable lately)

And as a self-helper (with some encouragement from B, my husband) I have begun a series of outings and experiences, outlined here that were in January 2024.

https://www.facebook.com/reel/945530256426628

I hope this opens, I have set it for public view. It’s a short reel.

What about you?

Do you think confidence can wax and wane?

Kind regards

Denyse.

Warmest Wednesday wishes sent to friend Min who hosts here Wednesday’s Words and Whimsy today.