Welcome to Denyse Whelan Writes Here.
I’ve refreshed my images for Autumn into Winter In Sydney and Me!
About My Mother.
In Australia, and other parts of the world, Mother’s Day was celebrated on Sunday 11 May 2025. I am choosing to share part of my feelings and history around my Mother…because it is time!
And how I am connecting with Mum way past her death…about cooking and love of family!
My late father was a dominant figure in my life and my mother was different but could also be very determined…more about that from my perspective soon.
However, as I could not get to chat to my Mum about a LOT of her life and history, I did ask Dad a lot of questions over the years to help ‘me’ understand her and my similarities and differences.
This image I love…
Some Background.
My late mother was brought up in a small country town in the Illawarra region of New South Wales. Her memories (as she told me) of Mother’s Day was going to the Presbyterian Church (her Mother was a member of the congregation) and mothers were given a white chrysanthemum to wear. I believe I may have made her a card like that when I was a young person doing to Sunday School.
Mum was third of three children and lived a very frugal life, choosing to leave school and gain employment once she turned 15. It was rare back in the 1930s-40s for many people to go on to ‘the leaving certificate’.
Mum was a sporty person representing the Illawarra district in hockey, along with her sister, and she volunteered as a ‘lady cub master’ and that was how she met my father who was in the scouts and that was at Mt Keira Scout Camp.
They married after the war, on 2nd November 1946 and went on, over time, to save hard to buy land and build a ‘forever house’ in a suburb of Wollongong. Mum gave birth to me in late 1949 and to my brother in 1952. She was ahead of her time getting her driver’s licence when Dad got the first car for our family.
In early 2007 Mum died.
That was preceded by two years when my quiet mother ‘suffered’ in some silence but also had a big fear around her health. She was already hesitant to continue her visits to the neurologist who found she may have had some difficulties around a parkinson type illness. Dad was needed to be both caring and helping her get some kind of diagnoses. Sadly once Mum turned 80 - where we did have a great celebration in her life - she did become less social and that was hard on all of us. Dad the most. The story is, very succinctly, is that when she could not longer be cared for at home after an MRI found secondary brain tumours, Dad took the brave (and only real option) to see Mum’s last days (which turned into weeks) were spent in a private hospital setting offering a version of palliative care…much different to now as we saw with Dad.
However, she did die once Dad had gone home one afternoon…”she waited
as they say”…and then began the huge and sad time of farewelling her as she might have liked and then, for Dad in particular, and us, a quiet next 4 years in a big and cold house. Dad eventually sold and moved to the independent living complex where he stayed until his last week of life in early 2024.
More About Mum.
I admit, that first Mother’s Day in 2007 was a shock to see Mother’s Day cards in the shops and I was sad. I don’t have someone to give a card to anymore. But over time, of course that becomes something to accept.
But now after Mother’s Day 2025 I wanted to share how I am growing closer to Mum….after her death. I hope that doesn’t sound too weird. I also had more than 17 years to talk with Dad, when he and I were ready and up for it (the last 5 years were best as he had softened a lot) and I got to know more about my Mum….
Now what I appreciate and love about my mother.
She gave birth to me!
The story behind this image blows me away about my mum and her courage. Dad was seconded to work and live in Melbourne for my first year of life. My mother flew with me, in 1950 to Melbourne to stay and have some family time. Dad actually found work as an accountant with another firm whose workplace was in Port Kembla. Never leaving the family again he said. Mum’s courage (she was a worrier who passed on that trait to me) to do that…solo, with a baby still amazes me.
Mum stayed at home, and was there for us kids after school and sometimes I remember coming home for lunch when we lived in Wollongong.
Oh that is something I need to add…we did not stay in Wollongong (which was family-centred for us) from end of 1959 because Dad’s next job in the company he had moved to, gave him a prompotion and it was to Sydney. The very big smoke! Around 1- 2 hours (back then from ‘home’) and we had to sell the forever house.
Mum was not happy but over time Dad told me, she did have to lift herself and do what was necessary to make a new home, in a BRAND new house..in a place none of us had ever heard of..Balgowlah Heights. Near Manly. Not far from the harbour.
Mum battled chronic hearing loss which worsened over time. She had two significant surgeries (and she was very brave!) but in the end, wore hearing aids at times, and asked people to look at her when talking and she did her best. Her hearing loss was, according to the specialist, from having us two kids.
Some Legacies From My Mother.
I learned to be courageous because if mum could do it, I could
I know I was better as I grew into my life as an adult understanding more about how it is to be a mother, a wife…and even though Mum did not work outside the home, she supported me as much as she could
I saw a woman who knew what she wanted in terms of her own social and sporting needs and she was someone who helped found some great voluntary organisations that are still active today
I learned, much later in life when I STOPPED comparing me to her, that I developed my love of clothes and colours from her
I asked lots of questions over the decades living away from her and then back in Sydney…about baby stuff, cooking stuff and ‘how do you…” because I was not the domestic ‘goddess’ Mum was
I have her smile. I also got her good thick head of hair…and skin that does not easily show sun damage
I know how much she enjoyed her grandchildren…very much…and I saw her interact lovingly with the 3 great grandchildren she got to meet
Her cooking was instinctive but she still offered recipes and I know she learned a lot about home entertaining over the years as business people, and friends got to share her wonderful meals and creative styling flair.
She knew when to stop. I am a little slow on this
Mum stopped being the host and cook for Christmas Days and we shared it mostly at our house when she had done enough
And Mum knew herself pretty well but sometimes I know I got frustrated because my offers of help were not what she needed then
Here’s to my mother in photo memories.
And the collage I made for Mother’s Day on social media. In this are the family members related to me. I have not included others including my brother as I don’t have permission.
So much love and connection here!
And a little known but true fact, my parents became grandparents in their mid 40s after we had our first child. For some reason (we will never know..ha!) they chose to be known by their first names..Noreen and Andrew.
My final tribute to Mum.
When we celebrated Dad’s one hundredth birthday on January 11 2024, I wore an outfit that was a tribute to Mum and butterfly earrings she gave me in 1992 when I graduated Masters of Education. As a connection to mum, after she died, I wore those earring each time I visited Dad. I also wore them on Mother’s Day as a tribute of remembrance.
That’s it…a longer tale than some but one I am glad to have shared.
What stories or memories do you have about your mother?
Denyse x
I am linking up with Min and friends too here for WWWhimsy and am grateful for that kind place in the world of blogging.
There's a lot here but I'll focus on just one part - I love that you feel you got closer to your mum even after her death. I think the 'child' you was the relationship you had with her but now the adult you is adjusting that relationship. I think that's still a valid representation of the bond. As they say, a relationship doesn't end just because someone isn't there.
As for all the legacy she left you, there is a line in a Philip Larkin poem "What will survive of us is love.". I think she put into you her love, and you hold on to her (in many different ways) with love.
And to end on something completely different - I can not believe your 21st picture! In my head you are always the you I see now. Even though we've been kicking around for 15-16 years and I've been seeing a changing picture. I've seen many of you as a young teacher but none of that sticks in my brain. So seeing this long haired, teen looking girl just blew me away! Ha! Our brains are so funny. What we 'see' in our memory. Lovely to see some of these pics!
A lovely post Denyse sharing your thoughts on and memories of your mother. My relationship with my mother was quite stormy so we never developed a close one at all. Sadly even as an adult I never quite knew how to have a conversation with her.
Looking at your last photo Denyse I immediately thought that if you hadn’t told us ‘she was your mum’ I would have thought she was an older sister- you definitely favoured her in your looks