I am grateful you are here!

Before you read on…this is an important week in my life for a few reasons. I will plan to share more another time. Just two days ago, I’ve reconsidered my ‘place here on Substack’ and am very grateful for the connections where I am both learning and loving getting to know others.

I’ve changed my description to this:

Welcome to Denyse Whelan's Substack. Grateful to be home 🪴& to enjoy loving, caring relationships 💕 & learning life's lessons through kindness & compassion 😊 I'm sharing stories my life in Australia! Thanks for following/subscribing.

Trauma IS a Messenger.

And these days I am determined to listen and recognise and act upon those messages.

Here’s where my determination began:

In June 2026, I’d been to the gastroenterologist I’d last seen in 2015, just after we had moved from Sydney to the Central Coast and he had replaced the person both B and I saw for years. He is such a kind and caring person and when he heard my ‘cancer story’ and more …his statement was to me (and in a letter to my G.P. after the visit)

‘You do not need any more doctors or hospitals’

It’s true there was no real reason to have any kind of procedure with him after he’d listened and examined me. Phew…and all that.

BUT his words rang so true and with that understanding I now share here…

I now know why I am so reluctant (scared even) to attend ANY professional appointments relating to my HEALTH. I have been traumatised by 12 medical and surgical procedures in 6 years. SIX year. TWELVE of them. From 11 hour surgeries to one hour endoscopies.

My BODY says “no more”

Whilst I can understand there will be and are appointments I need to keep…my G.P. for example, and my prosthodontist (story here) and maybe other health professionals my nervous system also needs kindness, attention and many hours of feeling safe.

For The Record.

I decided it was important for me to share this…the facts if you like, and that is the base from which I am beginning to build inner resilience (OVER TIME) with my nervous system work.

My surgeries and medical procedures.

Oral Cancer Diagnosed : 17 May 2017

4 Surgeries and 4 Reconstructions: in my mouth and top lip.

Surgery to my leg x 3 for skin and flesh and bone grafts.

July & November 2017

February 2018.

May 2018

Each of these was in Chris O’Brien Lifehouse in Sydney. All but the first one were day stays but they involved travel to and from, and staying in accommodation the night before.

Upper Prosthesis In My Mouth: August 2018

Preceded by many visits to Westmead Oral Sciences, car trip to and from of 2 hours. Mostly drove myself. At least 20 visits to this stage. And sometimes 3-4 hours in the chair.

2018-2023 Volunteer Ambassador for Head and Neck Cancer Australia.

Whilst this was not a procedure it did involve a lot of mental and emotional load for me with my interactions on-line and occasionally in person and speaking to groups and politicians.

I did not realise until late 2022 prior to returning to Sydney just how exhausted I was around sharing my knowledge and stories of my rare oral cancer.

In the week Covid restrictions began in early March 2020 I was so fortunate to get to Sydney (twice in one week) to have cataracts removed and new lens added. It was an excellent move.

Colonoscopy June 2020

Local Private Hospital.

I truly hate the ‘before’ of this…and yes I know it can be so important to detect bowel cancer…but mine was a check from the colo rectal surgeon that all was “OK” for him to perform what was for me, life changing*…but incredibly stressful surgery.

There is NO image for this…but if you have had one of these, then you know why!!

Rectopexy* July 2020

Gosford Private Hospital

However, things did not go well as after 2 weeks at home the massive T-shaped wound came apart and I needed…..

Wound Debridement August 2020

Gosford Private Hospital

The procedure in theatre cleaned the area out and I was given a ‘vac pump’ to help heal this area. Two nights in hospital then hospital in the home*

*thank you Teachers Health…our Private Insurance which has paid for itself over & over since 1971 for us

where a specialist nurse visited me and helped with continuing to treatment to the point of going to my G.P. later. It took until October for me to be deemed healed. In this photo you can see what I had to carry around with me.

Gastroscopy February 2021

Local Private Hospital

No Image - but went well and then I got to have:

Iron Infusion February 2021 on the same day.

Vaginal Prolapse Surgery August 2022.

Gosford Private Hospital.

It took me years to decide to be ‘brave enough’ to have this surgery. And it was a good result for ….9 months. Then, as bodies will do, it resisted and the prolapse returned but not as significantly as before. In 2023 when we were back in Sydney (the gynaecologist on the Central Coast retired) between me and my new OB/GYN decided with the complications around my earlier surgeries best to leave things as they are. I wholeheartedly agreed.

12 surgeries and procedures in 6 years 2017-2022.

Cancer Checks and Mouth Checks

Over 60 appointments for the prosthodontist after surgeries and for upper prosthesis checks. Driving myself 2 hours there and back until 2023.

My cancer surveillance checks in Covid times and later.

Around 18 visits to my surgeon and team over 5.5 years.

Again 2 hours drive there and back.

The Body Remembers*.

(yes I have the book* and many more around trauma but my trauma is, from as I know, about my body and what has been done to it)

I’ve now become so much better informed about my nervous system over the last year. I’m aware of how my Irritable Bowel Syndrome will ‘fire up’ when my nervous system decides what it happening is far more of a threat than I can think about.

However, with the work I have been doing in learning more about ‘my nervous system’ via course, and on-line help, as well as reading and listening I am gaining more knowledge (and inner sensing) to know when my body is asking for:

rest

nutrition

connection

quiet time

and all the many variations.

Why It WAS Important For Me To Share.

I had not fully understood nor really could until the fears around going to any health professional surfaced after my emotional exhaustion was diagnosed in early 2025. No-one could have told me until I realised it for myself….and that two of the health professionals said “WOW, that is a lot”

And I know it helped me feel SEEN, HEARD and UNDERSTOOD.

Thank you to this man…B who has been beside me throughout it all …and praises me for the work I have been able to do too.

I am one very fortunate woman.

Thank you too, to the various friends here on Substack who have helped me and been very supportive.

Denyse x

P.S. It’s World Head and Neck Cancer Day tomorrow, 27 July 2026 and if you would like to know more about head and neck cancer, symptoms and risk factors here is the website for Head and Neck Cancer Australia. This link takes you to “my story”

Adding this for the first time here:

Thank you for being here.

When I go on a neighbourhood walk each day (rarely miss it) for my inner and outer health I do take a phone…for the photos…and I do allow the thoughts to come and go.

Sometimes, as they did last Sunday (12) and Monday (13)July the photos and my thoughts become the post.

Simple Things Are Profound…when I note them well.

Sunday’s walk:

It was about me noticing the LITTLE things. It was at a different time of day too.

Change was noted due to the shadows and more.

I particularly noticed the colours of leaves and any blooms as it is MID COLD Winter here.

There is a deciduous tree I see via the high window in my living room where I sit in my comfy chair. I try to find it for the changes of colours and I did.

So by now I was ready to cross Sanctuary Drive safely. I promise I am very careful.

Then to the trees! The gums which form the border of one side.

I am quite the maker-upperer of ideas and messages from nature so I found this one and will explain!!

Last of the day here:

We live on a flight path and I like it and often imagine those in their seats, thinking “can’t go back now, might as well enjoy the ride” When I last flew from Far North Queensland to Sydney, I got to see over the area on the Northern Beaches where I grew up, swam, played and went to school. A very special memory.

Monday’s Walk.

Before Monday’s walk our eldest grandson visited us for morning tea. When he lived closer and the weather was warmer he would be here helping B with the yard. However, he’s moved and wanted to catch up with us. It’s a delightful thing when adult grandchildren want to visit.

I did insist on photos and he is willing and then onto the simple things from my observations!

Noticing the front garden blooms under the tree on the nature strip was number one today. Very obvious.

My walk took me UP Sanctuary Drive, not across it.

Noticing the sleeping trees and plants….

I noted the gum tree too, which had lost 2 of its limbs recently and I reported it via Snap and Send as the big branch was blocking the path. I did not know trees lose limbs like that.

And sometimes stopping and really noticing helps me focus. Firstly on shadows and then bright colours. A delight!

And again I say:
NATURE IS AMAZING!

I hope you enjoyed the walks and my words and pics.

Denyse x

Dear Mr Duffy,

Way back in 1960 when I was in your Year 5 class at Balgowlah Heights Public School, you noticed ‘something’ in and about me that ended up being SO significant that I followed the career path of being a K-6 Teacher.

I remain incredibly grateful that you noted in this ‘new to the school’ 10 year old an interest in helping ‘little kids’. My skills in reading also found me a new role once you moved from our classroom to the newly established School Library in the following year.

You made a new role, for me, and I was a Library Prefect. I got to do a lot of admin but generally I enjoyed helping and could feel the rewards ‘teaching’ others brought.

I had moved from Wollongong in late 1959 being one of the ‘three top’ students in my grade to Sydney’s Northern Beaches area where I was “but one of MANY”.

It helped me become more integrated into the social fabric of a primary school in its senior years and I know that led me to other things.

In fact, even though I wasn’t really ‘churchy’ the local community-based Congregational Church attracted our family as a base and I joined the choir and by age 13 or so became a Sunday School Teacher.

Once I entered High School (that is a WHOLE other story) I was already baby-sitting my parents’ friends’ young kids for an evening or over night. I enjoyed the interactions and the TEACHING part of it.

The one thing I need to add before I finish is that whilst there was no family history of those in an education career my father did champion education for women…in the 1960s I reckon he was a rarity.

And when, after LOVING the social side of being a teenager in high school, I finally realised SOME STUDY was needed for the newly minted Higher School Certificate in 1967 (first cohort of 6 years of high school) I would, over time be offered a N.S.W. Education Department Scholarship to study K-6 Teaching.

This offer came with the 3 year bond we signed and for that we were PAID each fortnight of the 2 years of Teacher’s College, and then guaranteed a teaching position once we graduated.

But you knew that part, right, because of your teacher training too.

Maybe you don’t know this bit.

When I got a late entry into Balmain Teachers College in April 1968, the ‘practicum’ period was about to start. I was placed in ‘the school nearest home’. Balgowlah Heights P.S. And it was to a Year 3 class…IN THE SAME classroom where you taught Year 5 and I became very interested in becoming a teacher!

So, again, THANKS Mr Duffy,

It’s a bit late for you to see this but you are in my heart and memories forever,

Warmest Wishes,

Denyse Simpson.

Photo Memories From This Time In My Life.

A Career Path I Have NEVER regretted taking…

Thanks Mr Duffy!

Warm wishes,

Denyse

July Memories. 2017.

This post today is one I “must” write because, for me, I now realise, it’s as important as remembering my education career, getting married, being a parent, becoming a grandparent, AND more.

Yet, back here in May 2026 I wrote in this post that it was the end of my sharing my head and neck cancer (in my case, oral cancer) stories but by mid June 2026 I realised that it WAS something of importance.

In fact there has been quite a shift of thinking for me around trauma and a future post will outline more.

Sometimes we (I) need a reminder even when I don’t want it, that yes it WAS traumatic!

Tomorrow: 6 July is the 9th Anniversary of my 11 hours long cancer removal surgery and mouth reconstruction.

Words and Pics Share The July Story.

Surgery was at Chris O’Brien Lifehouse in Sydney.

Scheduled for Thursday 6 July, we arrived in Sydney for a day of pre-op checks for the major surgery on Wednesday 5 July. I was scared but also ready (kind of!) because I had lived with the knowledge that I had cancer in my upper gums and under one lip since 17 May.

My surgeon was the BEST of the BEST ( still is…) he had two teams in the TWO operating theatres opened to be ONE. One team was to remove cancer…i.e. all of my upper jaw, my palate and part of my lip, and some lymph nodes, send it to pathology over the course of the (eleven hours as it turned out to be) for update. FORTUNATELY I did not need any radiation or chemotherapy. Phew.

The second team the group in charge of cutting open my right leg, harvesting the best vein (blood flow) attached to flesh from part of it, the full fibula, and some skin for a graft, that would all become parts of my mouth.

The prosthodontist and his colleague were also there to oversee the bone, my ‘new jaw’ being cut to accommodate the model (made in Belgium) based on the very technical measurements (visits to the prosthodontist in May 2017) and for screws (abutments) to be added. Later I found out that part of the fibula broke as it was having the abutments added so instead of 6 I got 5.

Of course I knew NOTHING of this but the anaesthetist was fantastic (he who put 3 x lines into my left leg and both arms to keep me alive!) keeping my husband apprised of progress through the LONG day.

I woke that night in I.C.U. and found I could TALK…not well of course BUT no tracheostomy…(thank you body)

Getting Ready for HOME.

Back then we lived on the Central Coast which was a two hour drive from Sydney so it was a good idea to be ready to get home…and I was but I had no idea how ‘feeding me’ would be. I eventually worked it out…thanks to being HUNGRY and a relatively creative cook AND with a very patient shopper in my husband!

My recall is that I did not get any plan around recovery in-hospital recovery but over time, and as my ‘anaesthesia brain’ lifted, there were visits from the team (and sometimes my professor) along with physiotherapist, speech pathologist, dietician and head and neck cancer speciality nurse. The pain nurse visited and wanted to know why I did not need to use the ‘pain pump’ and that was because the pain was not severe. I managed on liquid panadol.

I did well. I was also buoyed by my progress. Every few hours a day, a small doppler would be put into my mouth at the reconstructed palate area and how much I loved hearing the ‘pulse’ from the blood vessel attachment that had come from my leg to keep my new palate alive and thriving. As it remains so to this day!

Knowing how well I was doing (my surgeon agreed!) I very keen to ‘get out of there’ once I had achieved success of swallowing water…meant that the surgeons’ work had kept the new palate (thanks leg) separate from the mouth…and I also had to be able to walk relatively OK with my leg in a boot, using a walker. I did not get to try any food untll the night before I went home. And from then on, it was “interesting” to say the least.

Home Time.

I got the ok to go home on the Saturday 9 days after surgery.

Before then I was given supplies for the home visit community nurses who would come to the house to do my leg dressings (that went on for MONTHS but all OK in the end) and I was given a strong anti biotic…dear reader, it was AWFUL…and slowed my at home progress for a few days!

We managed…thanks to B’s patience and I was not always a patient patient. But we had access to phone calls (sending photos if I was concerned) back to my team at Chris O’Brien Lifehouse. I also had the BEST G.P. support locally too. I admit it was a bit of ‘lottery’ to have consistency in the visiting community nurses and over time we got the best woman who understood my anxiety about “anything in recovery going wrong”…it did not but it was hard not to worry with a very sore and weird feeling mouth and leg with its wounds.

By the end of my 6-8 weeks at home I was safe to drive again. It took a bit of confidence and the leg wound was OK. I also had 2 hospital appointments back to Chris O’Brien Lifehouse 3 weeks after surgery and early October to plan the next surgery. B drove us to these.

Yikes. More surgeries to come. Soon I intend to share what the trauma around my health has brought me. It was, as they say, trauma. Took me a long time to come to that conclusion.

And earlier this year I read this wonderful quote…and screen shots share more:

This is why I write to help me see and feel what the experience was but no longer doing down rabbit holes of fear and more because I have had some good therapy. Therapy does not make the experience go away but it’s helped me become accepting and grateful…and to acknowledge it was TRAUMA!

On Thursday 2 July my nervous system/body let me know I was being triggered (again) by this time of year, 9 years ago. I became upset that it still happens but then again, it IS part of my life history now and my body remembers. I have needed to be much kinder to me as a result and for someone who ‘wants’ to be recovered well, done and dusted, it’s ME who has to change. I admit this and acknowledge I need to take better care of myself compassionately around the strong memories and experiences. I cancelled or postponed what I thought I could do and took the decision to self-care kindly from Friday to Monday.

Take care and thanks for being here,

Denyse x

I'm grateful you are here, reading, liking and GOLD of gold…making comments!

THANK YOU.

WOW Moments.

I know that I’ve been healing steadily and more surely with greater appreciation, self-love and self-care after emotional exhaustion because of deliberate steps I take each day literally and figuratively. It is not always ‘easy’ and at times I can think ‘not today’ but that also means time to actually DO! And for me it works. Now too, I get to experience and find WOW moments.

1. Daily Walk. Even if it’s up one side of our street and back again

2. Looking for details in nature and noticing them

3. Being grateful Every.Single.Day. by acknowledging gratitude and writing it down

4. Engaging in the world beyond my body’s sounds, feelings and sensations now I have more skills and confidence to do this

5. Art, making marks, seeing others’ works and photos

I ‘collect these’ ….in a heartbeat or a moment of AWE and they stay with me for a long time.

How Chat GPT Sees My Progress.

Over the past year or so, I’ve had a subscription for Chat GPT and have used it to help me understand the processes I am undergoing to heal. Of course, I also have other means to do this but since ChatGPT has been ‘helping’ it’s been really interesting to return to the chats from time to time for my ‘seeing/reading’ what has been noted.

I asked about ‘wow’ and ‘awe’ and here’s some words that helped me craft this post.

“Wonder isn’t something we find. It’s something we practise noticing.”

“Awe is the emotion that reminds us we are part of something larger than ourselves.”

“A WOW moment is an invitation to pause, notice and belong.

Instagram for 6 Weeks.

I have become connected on Instagram again. And in a deliberate way to appreciate and notice what’s important to me…and keeping me well…is this theme:

/42

Today’s photo shares

#awehunting

#noticing

#nature

#feelings

#takeinthegood

Here is the first photo:

Here’s the one from week 2.

Today, Sunday 28 June, in a break from the rain and gloom of the recent winter days, the sun peeked through. That was a wow moment !!

And after a drive to pick up some regular prescriptions locally, I decided on a walk on the path around the oval.

WOW!

And this is what just comes out of my mouth.

After locking the car, and hearing a bird noise, I looked UP. And there was ONE rainbow lorikeet having a feast on the gum tree.

I stood, I watched, I listened and I got some snaps.

I was so affected by seeing this, I smiled broadly and went for a short walk and anything I had been ‘mulling over’ disappeared. What a WONDERFUL feeling is that!

As I’ve recovered from emotional exhaustion ( post about it here) I’ve realised that “wow'“ moments are actually not rare. However they do ask to be noticed..(ha, and that’s up to me)…the sudden appearance of a rainbow, a pink/red sunset, a hug from a grandchild, a mention that I helped someone in their career, laughing with B….and watching the river move up or down depending on the tide.

I am (mostly) part of those moments now.

Wonder isn’t something we find. It’s something we practise noticing.

WOW. AWE.WONDER.

Look Up:

Look Down.

What did you notice today?

Denyse x

What Was I Doing 30 Years Ago?

I was 46. I was in the ‘prime’ of my education career and was the Deputy Principal in a large western Sydney primary school. I admit too, that a LOT was also happening in our personal and family business lives and some of that was stressful and of concern to me in particular. I “am” the feelings person and always will be.

But, onto other matters.

Our daughter, who had been married two years before, had decided, finally to use her primary school teaching degree and she was offered work (not by me, let’s make that clear) by the principal of the school for the year 1996 after a successful introduction to teaching in 1995. She was enjoying the team spirit and camraderie of the young staff and her students in K-2.

My News.

One of the many roles I had within the large school was of discretely checking that female members of staff were made aware of any communicable diseases being ‘live’ within the school’s student population. The N.S.W. Health Department would inform schools if that was the case and it was up to the school to let any relevant staff know privately.

The condition reported on was German Measles…a serious condition for anyone but particularly for women of child bearing years, and who may already be pregnant.

I went to each classroom to let any teachers know by a private conversation and that included my daughter.

At recess, she appeared at my office door, and asked to ‘shut the door’ and that was when I heard her news.

She was newly pregnant and needed to get to her G.P. for tests to see if she had immunity to German Measles.

I AM GOING TO BE A GRANDMOTHER.

If that wasn’t news to blow me away…it did. I was both delighted and excited but then again, of course, concerned for her and her health.

And enthusiastic and excited me had to keep that news to myself. I did.

Over the next few days, she was given good medical advice and it was a case of ‘trust’ in her health and immunity. She did not get German Measles (Rubella) so that was helpful.

Becoming News: theirs and ours.

With the exception of my husband I am pretty sure “we” waited some weeks and it was the parents-to-be sharing their news.

I remember the day when my Mum who would become a great grandmother, came to our daughter’s place and we shared morning tea and ‘baby memories’.

Over time, we got to connect with our then son-in-law’s parents (we had known them for a long time) and I admit we talked about “names for us”….the four grandparents-to-be. I was keen to have a grandmother’s name as my parents (don’t ask because I really don’t know why) were known by their first names.

I chose “Grandma” and “Grandpa” for my husband - I think he had a say. More on that further on.

The in-laws became “Granny and Granddad”.

Perfect.

Baby Shower, Complications and WAITING….

As time passed, and my daughter was ‘showing’ she had all sorts of advice and one that felt ‘wrong’ to her was that she was no longer able to play touch footy with the staff at the school because “she already had the ball”. HA!

The year’s end was not great because our family business was liquidated but I know I tried to concentrate on the family news, along with supporting my husband of course.

A Baby shower was held at her home and no-one knew the sex of the child. She was also given a baby shower at school. Her due date was definitely at the end of 1996. She was under the care of a OB/GYN at the San Hospital Wahroonga and when she had a couple of “is it waters breaking?” episodes, she was hospitalised for a day or so. No active labour began. She had stopped work. What would happen next?

BIRTHday Time.

The baby’s Dad had a music gig way across Sydney from their place and I went to keep her company when she thought (again) on the Saturday night that she may have started labour. Labour and delivery said “come on in”. We did. And trudged up to the level where Maternity was with bags etc and once she was monitored and also quite near her due date, she was not going home.

With less than ideal timing, her husband drove to the hospital and took over from me and we were told an induction would likely to begin on the Sunday.

No details really needed. But “nothing” much happened …and even when I turned up with some clothes she wanted it was not great seeing her in pain and then ...go quiet. We knew that “babies” can take their time but when she had not progressed by late Sunday evening her OB/GYN “may” have said something about further intervention.

A MONDAY’S Child IS BORN.

B and I were both in bed at our place and a phone call…at 12.13 a.m. told us of the arrival of J.R. The most beautiful girl. All well. And I promised I’d be over after breakfast.

I had to mark the occasion..it was 2 days before Christmas!! Anyway, a gift for the baby was found and a few more items for my daughter, and as the baby’s dad worked in retail (the BUSY time of longer trading before Christmas) I got to meet Miss J.R. solo. My husband (and my parents, and B’s too) would meet her later. When I saw this dark haired child in her bassinet I thought

And I became a ‘referee’ of sorts at evening visiting hours when my daughter was so tired and with a not even one day old baby crying, I asked people to leave for the new family’s sake.

I visited the next day…Christmas Eve…and because J and her Mum would still be in hospital I made sure they had a tiny Christmas tree and a tiny present sack from Santa. I am such a sentimental person. On Christmas Day (at our house with our family and theirs) the new parents had leave to attend lunch and J.R. was minded in the nursery. B and I went over on Christmas Night and ‘babysat’ while her parents had a walk.

TRULY AN AMAZING TIME.

It was an amazing time in my life. I had great modelling as a grandmother from my mother and her family. The next 6 weeks were full of helping out and then…just as the school holidays were finishing the principal at my school offered our daughter a full time teaching role. I know I was ready for some leave…and we’d had a pretty awful year so I said “I’d be up for 3 days a week J.R. care at our place” and her other grandmother agreed to do the other two. This commenced in the February of 1997 and by mid 1997 (we were knackered!) our daughter found the BEST family day care which over the next years would serve the grandkids well.

About The Names.

Over the years, depending on the age of the now eight grandchildren we have I have been called:

Gummy…short for Mummy and Grandma.

GMa (that’s the teen/adult group) and “Brandma”….I can still hear Miss R calling me that name….mostly it’s Grandma. I love it.

B was to be “Grandpa” but Miss J (above) called him PA PA at first and that was cool. He loved being Papa and at times the older ones call him Pups.

As I post this for a special reason….I want to share it with Sinead Connolly, it is our 7th grandchild’s birthday. She is our son’s 3rd child and is a TEENager now.

Time flies…as do my looks…

That’s my LONG-ish story about becoming a grandmother and at the end of this year…that baby girl will be 30.

My hope is that this has been a post of fun and remembrance of a very special time in my life.

Best wishes to Sinead Connolly and her partner…and their parents!

Warm wishes

Denyse x

An addition to this post…

I write here and show my respects to the land on which my words are are written.

I took this photo on a recent drive to the river at Sackville. It is an area of the Hawkesbury which covers the lands of the Darug and Darkinjung peoples.

About My Mum.

It’s a relationship like no other. The one to my mother, who gave birth to me, nurtured me and made sure I was both well cared for and loved. And yet, in my case, not one that felt close at times, particularly after becoming a teacher, and leaving Sydney where I would eventually meet the ‘love of my life’ and become a mother myself within a year.

Mum was a woman of her times. She grew up in the 1920s-40s in a simple house in Dapto with a fuel (timber) stove, no refrigeration until the mid 1950s and a crowded dwelling of two families within a 3 bedroom house. Mum was very sporty, and worked in a local big store where she could walk to work. The household chores were female based. I am pretty sure that she learned a lot about feeding a family there too.

As someone growing up in suburban, middle class Australia - in Wollongong then Sydney, I wanted for nothing. I had an awesome life really and whilst there were down times, I got to make many friends, and be part of a community which included the girl guide movement (my parents met at Wollongong’s Mt Keira Scout Camp in 1940s) and recreational sports and to have fun!

I was always interested in becoming a teacher from around 14. Mum was supportive of my capacity to work with local kids as a babysitter, and of my relationship with their families. Dad was the one who supported my further education - I was part of the first HSC cohort and off I went to teachers’ college in 1968.

Reflections Around Cooking.

Whilst my mother could not fathom ‘how I did the full career’ thing she was kind and helped us as a young family a lot. My parents lived on the Northern Beaches and we were in NW Sydney, once we returned from 8 years of country teacher placements, they visited us regularly, and OFTEN, with the makings of a baked dinner! It was a connection that I so appreciated…and I have, as a much older woman, be known to do that from time to time with our family. More often with some already made frozen meals and soups.

Mum loved being a grandmother! And I know I do too. We connected that way! I took some of my initiatives from mum’s lead in the way I enjoyed caring for our grandchildren and cooking both meals and treats for them.

Mum died in March 2007 and it’s been in recent years as I have aged towards the mid 70s and beyond, I am recognising just how much more I can identify with Mum, and in particular around cooking.

Recipes.

Mum’s original recipe books are still around the family and she went to a Domestic Science High School in Wollongong so I am guessing she got quite a lot of training there too. But she was a creative cook too, and she made lots of cakes and sweet things for others, never herself as she was a ‘savoury girl’.

I got out my folder of recipes recently, and yes it’s messy but it’s well loved and to see Mum’s handwriting (often short hand!) and her recipes is both nostalgic and wonderful. I have realised I am more of an instinctive cook as Mum was and at times I will say to myself “come on Mum, help me here” and at times I will hear her voice telling me off for ‘not softening the butter’ properly because of my impatience!

Cakes For Grandchildren.

Since returning to NW Sydney to be closer to family in 2023 there have been some family celebrations around birthdays held here. I know my mother would be pleased to know her recipe for cupcakes (she call them little cakes) is in use by me for this very reason. This is from Mum but it my messy handwriting. And last Sunday I doubled it. I was able to make around 30+ regular cupcakes and 24 minis.

The preparation, cooking and final products are here:

Then time for the cakes to come out and cool. My intention was to make a lot of ‘butterfly cakes’ with jam and butter cream. They freeze well and I will eat them ONE at a time. Some to be for birthday too. I do not have the bandwidth for making the butterfly wings, hence ‘a hat on top’.

Actually I still miss bringing these kinds of treats to Dad ( he missed Mum’s cooking but was grateful for my freezer meals and treats 2011-2023)…and one was also Lemon Butter: I miss sharing this with him. I also did not make it for 2 years because he was no longer around, but I decided it would be lovely for me, and it IS!

Birthday Girl.

Our son said he could bring the girls (to help celebrate Miss almost 13) to our place on Saturday 20 ….in between sport and other commitments. And grown up grandson has independent life. And yay, I was into cake making and readiness on Sunday 14th.

And on late that afternoon he had to share the news that the lunch was OFF because “almost teenager” granddaughter was going away for the weekend with school friends.

Sigh. Happy for her. Disappointed for us. BUT, we are catching up with her and older sister on the Monday before her actual birthday and she can have a little afternoon tea with us, and enjoy her Birthday card and some cash!

Hopefully, we will have a grandkids catch up day next school holidays.

I think Mum would be delighted to know the cake and cooking thing is being passed on from her to me! My daughter has it too.

This image is from a long time ago, with my parents in better years, and I am not sure who the cake was for…I suspect Dad, but Mum would have made it…? No-one to ask anymore. Nope, I was wrong, it’s Mum’s birthdate on original image, but whilst she may have made it, WE would have loved eating it!! Thanks MUM.

I like the way life is giving me the opportunity to reflect on my relationship with Mum and enjoy some of the memories and now, as I note, our similarities.

How about you?

Anything to share about your relationship with your parents/mother/father?

Warm wishes,

Denyse x

From time to time I share a second post through the week and here it is.

Becoming More Connected.

I’m finding my recovery after my emotional exhaustion from a decade of trauma from oral cancer and grief is going well.

OK…I am going to admit it…I remain a teensy bit impatient now but I am being a better listener to my body and my nervous system (gut issues).

Go Me!

I’ve recently decided to become more connected on-line sharing a daily image.

I have a relationship with Instagram that wavers between ‘private’ settings and ‘public’ ones where I need to block people.

A Six Week Plan.

My plan is to post an image over 6 weeks using these hashtags as my guide.

I do enjoy a theme and recently has made me think more about contributing using her #awehunting hashtag.

As a person who LOVES getting out into nature each day, and noticing nature I am seeking to use these too:

#noticing

#nature

#feelings

#takeinthegood

Starting Wednesday June 17 and ending Tuesday 28 July.

Thanks Suzy Reading!

What a kind and helpful cheerleader you are …of me and many! Grateful to have connected on-line and via our ‘growing up’ years on the Northern Beaches of N.S.W.

Here’s to sharing AND caring…I hope to do that too more often.

Take care,

Denyse x

BEACHES!

Honestly, trying to find favourites is hard.

However, as lover of the beach, the ocean …and more I am sharing some images from

‘the covid years’.

Living on the Central Coast of New South Wales during the covid years was a good/not so good thing. The access to nature, particularly the beaches on the coast, was a balm for my loneliness.

The loneliness that I am guessing we all recall…when there were both travel restrictions and mixing with others too.

Here’s my PICK from 2021 and 2022.

I could get down to Sydney at times to visit my dear Dad who suffered from the isolation and loneliness during Covid times. I admit I also used those times as reasons to visit my lovely northern beaches too.

Sometimes I would make a video of the surf for Dad. He LOVED beach and sand walking until access stopped him because of his disappearing vision and legs which were compromised. Manly Beach..here shot by me from the walkway to Fairy Bower and Shelley Beach.

More from Sydney’s Beaches….

Back To The Central Coast of New South Wales.

BEACHES!

Love them.

Hope you enjoyed the views!

Denyse x

I’ve been posting weekly for a while. I recently moved to Sunday afternoon posts after being a ‘regular’ Monday morning one. Now, in yet another example of how flexible I am becoming this is a second post for one week, and coming to you on a Wednesday afternoon in Australia.

Healing and Creativity.

I’ve probably enjoyed creating with art-type media for most of my life since I discovered “texta colours” aged 11 and in Year 6 1961.

Over the decades of teaching, especially the young children, I always enjoyed making a colourful classroom environment with their works of ‘art’. It was a joy to come into my classroom for me, as it lifted my spirits on occasion!

Yet I did not do much at all ‘at home’ once I retired because of the ‘busyness’ of health management with my husband and we also did a LOT of grandchild care. “THEY” got to create! In fact, their parents were soooo grateful it happened at our place, not theirs!

In 2013 something switched on.

My own creativity. Via a wonderful on-line community in the U.S. and I became not only encouraged but built my confidence and skills.

I did decide, however, to buy the best quality items because as I grew as an artist, frustration would emerge if the paper or media was not right.

Cancer, Time and Creativity.

Without my creative space, and my inclination to want to DRAW, PAINT and MAKE MARKS, I do no know how I would have managed my long periods of recovery and overcoming fears and some added anxiety.

And Then I FOUND these:

Small Journals.

Medium Sized and Large Ones.

I write in them.

I add designs and fun patterns.

I add some photos to the larger ones.

THEY TELL MY STORIES…..

These are some that no longer need keeping and so, yes, they are now gone. I have thought about the ones where I also write, and will review them over time because “I want to be the one deciding what stays”.

Journalling via handwriting has helped me enormously but because so much of it is personal, I will probably “destroy” (not a nice word) them…myself.

Back to Management of Healing Via Emotional Health Recovery.

I can become quite anxious about…as we humans do, in terms of health recovery and focussing on JUST ONE THING is the way I manage.

In fact, I’ve been known to ‘settle myself’ at night, doing a small collage of flowers. The repetitive nature of flower drawing is very good for my nervous system

And I like to do lots of colours, and patterns and in the small journals (6” x 6”) I finish them!

Here’s a range of them and the fun I had creating within:

I do hope you’ve enjoyed learning more about my emotional health recovery via creativity in this “one-off” post mid week!

Warm wishes,

Denyse x

Thanks for following and connecting.

I am someone…an older person for sure…who has ‘weathered a lot’ over the five years I mention here. I’m sharing parts of my story for me:

• to express how things were/are for me,

• and to hopefully see that over time,

• and with the right kind of nurturing and professional advice

• I am emerging into the second half of 2026 with increased capapity, and respect for my body and its nervous system!

Here I go.

June 2022.

I was living on the Central Coast with my husband. We moved to this rental place in 2018. We did the Covid years here! The place is around 2 hours drive to and from family, friends and my professional health appointments. By May of 2022, before this photo was taken, my husband and I decided that returning to Sydney’s North West to live after 8 years away would be our goal in early 2023. The relief I felt at that decision made was truly liberating…I would not YET know how hard it might be too.

I would be having my final oral cancer appointment back in Sydney’s Chris O’Brien Lifehouse with my head and neck cancer surgeon and nurse by October. I did not envisage the range of emotions I would encounter.

My Father, then 98, was slowly becoming more unwell…mostly around ( as he would tell me) “boredom” because even though he was living independently, he needed help with mobility and vision. I could visit him more regularly once we got back to Sydney in 2023.

June 2023.

It was harder than I imagined doing the move because of the emotional toll it took with planning and organisation, finding a place, deciding where to live and SO MUCH MORE. It did come as a surprise because I felt it was a ‘good change’ we were making but change no matter the reason affects us..and ‘feeling the feels’ me..meant of course it did.

However, there were great advantages, and once my emotional health settled, I could take trips to see the sights I had missed, visit Dad (with meals made for him) more often, and enjoy the familiarity of the area of Sydney where we had lived, in different houses from 1978. Another big plus was our two kids, and their kids were much closer now. We were both able to pick up back at the place where we left for our medical needs.

BUT.

I began to feel a weariness seep in. Maybe it was the letdown after such a big life event, combined with a sense of my father’s physical changes (and those within him) becoming real and that between us, my brother and I had a ‘job’ ahead of us. He was already doing much more than I could as he and his wife live locally.

By November into December 2023 I became unwell. A sign perhaps of being burned out?? Who knows. Nothing like hindsight. I got R.S.V. and was very unwell but did not need hospital. December saw my first (and only) Covid diagnosis. Christmas was quiet but glad I could see the family. My husband had to stay home due to Covid.

Dad was not doing well….but he was already thinking of his coming 100th Birthday early January 2024 and all he wanted was a simple ‘at home’ celebration of less than an hour, with my family and followed by similar with my brother’s. We made it happen. Dad ‘rose’ to the occasion.

It was stressful somewhat because he wanted NOTHING from anyone regal/government just ‘our presence’. It turned out to be quite an emotional experience for him anyway with some of the collages I made and other ways in which my brother and I ‘made’ his day happen.

June 2024

Oh My. An unforgettable year. Dad had is 100th birthday early January. And I admit I was pretty emotionally and physically worn down by the drives (1 hour each way) and then doing what I could to help Dad in what became a stressful time for him….of course…and then for us. The photo here was me ‘venturing back’ to a place which held pretty good memories and I liked to go to. I was not as up to socialising as much as I thought.

February 27th 2024 was an unforgettable date. Dad died and my husband turned 75. There were weeks and months of helping my brother and other family members with cleaning out of Dad’s place, organising his Celebration of Life, and more. It was HARD yards and a sense of unreality too as Dad been around for all of my then 74 years! My brother and I were joint executors of Dad’s estate and whilst it was all ‘stuff’ we knew about as Dad’s will etc, the person he chose as his solicitor way back meant …patience from us.

There were some HIGHS too…and in fact, they became embedded for a while as I was trying, as best as I could, to envision that my part of the inheritance could enable me to travel …and we could each buy a new car. We were down to one that was 10 years old. Given the real estate prices there was no way we could buy a place but we happily continue renting here where the owners and the real estate people ‘think we are awesome tenants!’

I went through some roller coaster emotions, and a visit to Vivid in 2024 staying in the city and travelling in by public transport saw me re-think the travel ideas. And no, there was no chance, in reality, that I could manage being away from home for more than a night. The brochures were thrown out, and I accepted with sadness and a dose of reality that both my oral cancer limitations around eating and my unreliable gut (I.B.S.) ruled out any travel.

My husband noted in me that I was short tempered (more than usual) and overly emotional and very, very weary. He said “I think you are burnt out”. I denied it. Of course. But as the second half of the year went on, I lost interest in much that I used to love.

June 2025.

By January 2025 my G.P. had diagnosed me with emotional exhaustion and she was right..of course…as was my husband. The trouble with ‘thinking’ me, is that I decided if I did the right things…rested, enjoyed what I liked and took some time out, I would be OK. Um. No, I was not. I actually was humbled over and over about the toll this diagnosis and its reality took on me.

I had irritable bowel syndrome visit most days or when there was any kind of stress added to my day/life. I found it VERY hard not to be able to “do what I always did” which was comply with appointments made…aka turn up. I became reclusive and feared anyone coming to our house. I really was unwell. It was made worse for February with Dad’s death anniversary and in the same month two friends dying of cancer. It was awful. However, I am a determined person, and accepted that I probably needed psychological counselling. I had some. It was OK. I felt I was doing so well “by myself” that I stopped it in May. But I needed ‘good old exposure therapy’ which I have mentioned here recently.

I chose the exposure challenge, in June 2025, to attend my bone density appointment (had postponed it a few times) and did it. Safely and felt well. Afterwards the inner reaction would happen. But I did it. This photo is me outside the place.

June 2026

This past week! Here I am, again, at Castle Towers, at a different entrance. On this occasion I planned to try on jeans and buy some. I did that at both Target and Myer. But I was worn out physically so the stop for coffee didn’t happen. This can wait.

In the lead up to the various events for me in 2026 I had to do a LOT of different healing and from different sources.

CBT was helpful for me in some ways using therapy on line with an app and with a person.

But my body was already saying “hey, I need more” and that’s when, in August 2025 I found the Heal Method using elements of Polyvagal Theory and more. I began to listen to my gut and its messages. I did not always like them. But I needed to heed them. When I finished the Heal Method 12 week program I had some individual trauma therapy with a person on line. I wrote about it here. The therapy called EMDR helped in 2025, but when I got back into it in 2026 it ‘re-traumatised’ me’. Then my inner work took over. I had/have some great people I follow here and their substacks have been wonderful and continue to do so.

I had, though, a lot of other stuff I did which helped…nature walks DAILY, art and craft, on-line socialising, cooking meals and treats, seeing the family a bit more and driving around locally to have some mindful times.

I am still a work-in-progress at 76 but each day in the past week or so has seen me drop the paid apps which were helping me navigate my self compassion and self development with kindness. I have even retired my inner critic (mostly) and now listen to my inner guide DenWISE. Denwise was a name I used on twitter for ages way back which was a play on the spelling of DenYse with the Y. I’ve also added Negative Nyse! I have fun doing this but they are great reminders too!

Warmest wishes to you all.

Denyse x

NEWS: I’m planning a second post this week. I have something to share about my art as a hobby and healing tool. Look out for it mid week!

Thank you for following, subscribing, reading, liking and commenting!

You ARE so appreciated!

Share

Just as an aside:

My writing here is free to read. I am here to share and connect.

My words and photos give me some intellectual and creative fun when shared!

I am about comments and connections!

Thank you!!

Writing on Sunday 31 May for publication today…

Awesome Autumn Leaves Us Today!

Leaves: Clever?

Back to the post.

Australia’s Autumnal Months

These are March April and May.

I now live in a more varied climate in my part of Sydney away from the coast so we get colder nights in Winter, hotter days/nights in Summer.

What I now appreciate more is I live back in AUTUMN leaves and trees land!

Photos from March and April: Nature at that time. Around here:

And now, because I both love sharing my images and making collages…here are my TEN beauties from May 2026 in Autumn.

I do hope you enjoyed this AWESOME tribute to AUTUMN.

Take care, and thanks for being here!

Denyse x

I am a chronicler…is that a word?

I am a journaller.

I am a diary keeper…and a photo sharer.

Today, 28 May 2026 my daily commitment to Calm, clicked over to:

Go Me? Yes and No.

I began a meditation practice of sorts way back in early 2015 hoping for it to help my feelings of stress and anxiety as we moved our lives from the familiar to the unfamiliar. I used Headspace for a while, I attended a retreat at a Buddhist centre and I thought it should all happen quickly…”of course I did” …if I did the work.

Here’s What Happened.

Not much, back then, for my increasing stress levels and my impatience but…I soon saw the need to take time each day to reflect and help myself reach some ‘calm’ via my breath and inner thinking.

Fast Forward But In a Good Way.

By 2018 I needed more to help me through what had been a very challenging time for me via my oral cancer diagnosis and surgeries, and I went to Calm, the app, and found its offerings what I needed.

I do like to keep tabs on progress, and when I realised, that having paid for a lifetime membership in 2019 (very very cheap back then) I became committed…because at least my body and mind had a time out each day.

It works. For ME.

My practice is every morning before getting out of bed. And I listen to the Daily Calm with Tamara Levitt, then complete the reflection, sleep record, gratitude and sometimes a daily prompt.

Some Memories From Those Years: end 2019-today, 28.5.26.

I was still needing to have cancer checks in Sydney, finishing in October 2022

I also needed to drive to Westmead from the coast to have prosthodontist checks

Covid was about to enter ‘our lives’…and how much it changed things!

I had cataract surgeries and other non cancer related surgeries & attended Newcastle Writers Festival a few times!

I spoke at a Head and Neck Cancer Event as an Ambassador & continued my role for 5 years

I visited Dad in Dee Why when it was possible, and it was easier once we moved back to Sydney. Dad died early 2024.

We celebrated our 50th Wedding Anniversary with 2 family events as we could only have 5 visitors at once. Covid.

I enjoyed visiting nature at times for calm and healing

And got together with our family over the years at our place and sometimes theirs

We moved back to Sydney from the Central Coast and have been here for over 3 years.

DAILY CALM PRACTICE HAS ACCOMPANIED ME KINDLY and MINDFULLY

And for that I am grateful. Every.Single.Day.

Do you practise mindfulness?

Take care,

Denyse x

About Me:

I’ve been sharing ‘words and pics’ on line as a blogger (now Substacker) since 2011.

In that time, I’ve ‘celebrated’ 60 years of age, retired for the second time from New South Wales Department of Education as a teacher (first time was as a principal), learned to live with grief and regret around a number of life’s challenges which have included financial changes, housing too, family relationships and big health ‘stuff’.

Apparently I am, as they say, someone who has not only survived but could be called thriving after trauma, illness and more. I have written a lot about my education career and my oral cancer experience and those related to grief around life’s changes into my mid 70s. I made the choice last week to stop posting about cancer.

It is something which takes a mindset change and can be a slow and wandering path. Here I am though, at 76, remaining keen to connect with others here on Substack.

Today I’m changing my day of posting to:

Sundays

and around 4.30 p.m. Sydney Australia.

The reason, more than anything, is that my Monday morning posts were basically from habit when I hosted a link up waaaay back each Monday.

And I actually find Sunday afternoons a bit of a mental challenge…left over from 40+ years of working, and adding in some trepidation over the past decade for medical and other appointments.

A catch up here from my recent walks where I made some changes to how I am living life now…will write more another time!

Sunday afternoons are now for posting!

Welcome to my new time here.

Sunday Snaps From Today:

We are in middle of quite a few rainy days …it is almost winter…but I stepped outside to capture these just now and yesterday.

And thanks from me, today, Sunday, for being part of my substack community.

Denyse x

P.S. Let me know your thoughts on the posting times! I made the amendments also around northern hemisphere readers and followers times too.

On Sunday 17th May 2026 it was the 9th anniversary of the phone call letting me know that cancer had been found in my upper gums following a biopsy.

It actually FELT better to KNOW and then, over time, to hear how my treatment (surgeries and T I M E for recovery) would pan out.

What Do I Mean by Managing My Life With Gratitude?

• I’ve always been a person who steps up, and takes on responsibility and enjoys taking a leadership role.

• That suited me in my long career in education over 40 years.

• It helped too, when my teacher husband was ‘made to medically retire’ aged 30 because of severe spinal issues preventing him from continuing in his then chosen career.

• I’ve been someone who can find gratitude daily for the past 6 years.

• In fact, in the ‘worst of times’ I’ve been able to slow my busy mind by looking around me and finding what I am grateful for.

• Each day I sit for sometime on our back verandah and allow my senses to strengthen.

• I tell my body what I can feel and where I am, and then do 5,4,3,2,1 around my senses.

I know I used my qualities to seek and receive work promotions and complete (over time, and by distance education) two education degrees: Bachelor of Education & Master of Education.

And I have been a wife for over 55 years, mother of 2 for over 54 years and grandmother of 8 for almost 30 years.

But…..there IS always a BUT, in life, right?

We cannot actually control much at all…it’s only our responses and reactions I am told!!

I used these words in my post:

Courage, Strength & Determination.

I saw these words within the context of an Indigenous Australian company’s handmade jeweller, and got 2 discs and added to my chain along with my heart for courage charm.

With some words and photos I would like to share one of the means by which I am my best encourager and cheerleader!!

I use words and images a LOT on social media, here and for my self-care reminders.

About Being An Oral Cancer Patient. Aged 67 onwards.

About Recovering from Emotional Exhaustion. Aged 75 onwards.

About Doing Hard Things.

I’ve often referenced this about myself. I can honestly say it takes COURAGE, DETERMINATION and STRENGTH…to do ‘the things’ when scared and anxious.

But I DO them as my body and nervous system allows.

It was a BIG lesson to me for much of 2025 that ‘thinking my way’ through emotional exhaustion’ did not work well and I had to learn lessons….via courage, strength and determination, taking my nervous system, my I.B.S. and worrier status into account.

Hence I encourage myself using some images as wallpapers and in my daily journals.

On Friday 15 May I did another ‘hard’ but worth it thing….I drove to the GPs for a free to “over 75 year olds” vaccine for R.S.V.

I also know how important it is to ‘close the stress cycle’ so on the way home I stopped at a local area where the birds gather (free food), walked there and snapped a few shots! That always helps me.

I actually had R.S.V. in November 2023 and it was debilitating in terms of breathing and energy output. I had drugs to keep me as well as I could for the duration, and then follow up X-rays and breathing tests to ensure my body came back to a reasonable level for me. I also got Covid about 3 weeks after R.S.V. and “it” was a walk in the park by comparison.

And that is my recount of 'Denyse’s Courage, Strength and Determination’ always with Gratitude.

What do you do to help yourself in challenging times?

Do share!

Warm wishes,

Denyse x

I’ve gone to BLUE and GREEN…of various shades and hues to capture a few things as I share here in these images to represent me on Substack now.

First one is the ‘on Sydney Harbour’ as both a background and with my selfie with the Harbour Bridge in the background. Taken from Blues Point last week. I admit I may have been thinking of the blue/green combo outfit too.

This was where my first thoughts to change the look here to the colours of nature took hold. On a warm Sunday morning walk by the river at Windsor. I was also feeling incredibly grateful for the recent success at the prosthodontist. Post is here if you missed it.

Blue and Green As an Ambassador for Head and Neck Cancer Australia.

This time 9 years ago, I found out I had cancer within my gums, where the tooth sockets are and under my top lip. I was, as my head and neck cancer surgeon told me “a rare of rare” patient. In other words, no risk factors at all.

Teacher me was always going to want to help others more around what ‘head and neck cancer was’ and how there are no tests for it...but that was to come in 2018 once I had my 4 surgeries and eventually had my upper prosthesis fitted to my jaw made from my leg. Long story. Some of it is here.

I deliberately wore the green and blue colours of Head and Neck Cancer Australia to see my surgeon, the prosthodontist and more. My final event as an Ambassador of 5 years was to speak to the Family Medical Practice we attend to help doctors know more about a module of training in how to help identify potential head and neck cancers. Find Head and Neck Cancer Australia here.

Blue and Green In Nature Are Favourites.

Healing after my decade of trauma and grief and more has been helped by my immersion in nature.

I always liked being in and observing nature: beaches, open skies, rivers, mountains and plants as well as gardens and ‘just our backyard’….

So I was drawn to the hues of greens and blues over this past year of recovery and wanted to share them more and honour them.

Here are four collage tributes to BLUE and GREEN and in caption where I took the photos.

That’s it from me…except for this 10 year reminder…

Thanks for being here!

Denyse x

Thanks for being here!

Exposure Therapy And Me.

In 2016 I first saw an excellent psychologist when I was finding the changes made to my life difficult as we left Sydney, and my anxiety grew…and good old body messenger I.B.S. would not actually leave me alone!!

I found this psychologist (who mostly used ACT therapy, Acceptance Commitment Therapy) quite insightful, and she was not going to ‘let me’ off with excuses. I mean she was firm and kind…and yes, I did her set homework and then one session she said “have you heard of exposure therapy?”

My answer in the negative then brought about an explanation from her, and it related to my increasing reluctance to leave the house…(fear around I.B.S.) and to actually drive anywhere and that was for me “opposite to what I used to be like”

She shared how the ‘graded exposure’ could work for me, and I agreed to try it. It was small steps first, into bigger ones later which included going out in the car and not fearing too much about I.B.S.

I was OK…but a lot more stress was about to impact me through to 2017 and my fears around travel, family stuff (and a VERY sore mouth) could not be soothed.

BUT, there was one occasion - a few before it as well - relating to my very sore mouth where B drove me, and I used all the exposure therapy I knew, and I had my upper bridge of teeth removed..in the dentist chair in early April, and within 6 weeks we would find out I had cancer in those gums!!

Exposure Therapy Explained.

I have used graded exposure. It is to help make the process both doable but also with some challenge. Mine was (and still can be) around I.B.S. striking me away from toilet access and the possibility of having ‘an accident’.

This is an explanation:

Step-by-Step Guide to Exposure Therapy

1. Identify Fears: List specific situations, thoughts, or objects that trigger anxiety.

2. Create a Fear Hierarchy (Bravery Ladder): Rank these fears from least distressing to most distressing.

3. Start Small (Graded Exposure): Begin with the lowest-ranked item (e.g., looking at photos of spiders if afraid of spiders).

4. Repeat Often: Practice the exposure consistently until the anxiety decreases each time.

5. Stop Avoiding (Response Prevention): Do not use “safety behaviors” (e.g., bringing a comfort item, holding your breath) to cope.

6. Stay with the Fear: Remain in the situation until the fear goes away or significantly reduces.

7. Move Up the Ladder: Once a step brings little to no anxiety, move to the next, more difficult, step. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/25067-exposure-therapy

Exposure Therapy Helping Me More Than Ever.

My examples of using exposure therapy after the big dentist trip included a drive to Sydney by myself to see Dad after a gap (due to my fear) of 5 months.

I planned the solo trip (I love driving!) and it went well. I always knew where I could have a toilet break if needed.

Building upon the experiences helps.

But the ultimate was:

Mid May: 17 May: Denyse, you have cancer in your gums and need to see a specialist surgeon in Sydney asap. 18 May: Meet the surgeons in Sydney.

THIS was hard but B was incredibly patient and tolerant of his scared-about-everything wife (with good reason to be!) and we made it..3 toilet stops, a wrong road in Sydney but it all went well…as it could for what happened.

A story told here

Then it went on for some years…there would be better experiences for me leaving home and travelling on that M1 motor way (2 hours to and from Sydney) where my cancer surgeries and treatments were, and my late father was…as well as our family

The Reasons Mattered.

With exposure therapy and me, it was all about the REASONS.

The pay off I guess.

And without being overtly intentional about it I began incorporating exposure therapy guidelines into my life:

• visits to see the family

• trips to shops in Sydney to meet friends

• going to a show in the city

• attending my education career retirement morning tea

• checking in on Dad and bringing him meals

• regular checks with my prosthodontist at Westmead Oral Restorative Sciences

• surgeries and cancer surveillance checks at Chris O’Brien Lifehouse in Sydney

BUT then, my inner world shattered from the effects of long term stress (see above!), having a rare and nasty cancer, tending to my Dad in his final year, moving back to Sydney after leaving 8 years earlier, Dad’s death at 100, co-executor of Dad’s estate, getting RSV then Covid…and still PUSHING on..until

BODY (I.B.S.) and GP TELL ME nooooo more!

Regular readers here will know that I have done all I could to understand and cater for my trauma diagnosis based on the above and called “emotional exhaustion” by my G.P. And I was flattened by it. Confidence gone. Stress high.

And I admit I did try to push through at times. It was tough.

It was not good for my health.

I admit now, that it was also a challenge for me to socialise any more, and even to have family visit. It was TOUGH for me as a formerly ‘people person’….. it’s something I may choose to write about another time…as well as how hard it became for me to even return to places I had loved visiting. FEAR was keeping me tethered to home…and for a while it was a safety place for me.

Then I moved from CBT learning as it was no help for my I.B.S. stress to nervous system learning..via a program called The Heal Method and it was there in September I read and learned more about “graded exposure”.

I remembered it with some trepidation but also hope because of its success for me before.

And this is how I have set myself the exposure tasks, using measured safety but also to have some challenges too.

Since then my small successes here based around keeping medical/other appointments:

I conquered my biggest one to date last week, getting to the prosthodontist before he steps down from his role.

I took this challenge very seriously because it was incredibly important to be able to have my mouth checked after I couldn’t face getting to see him when I was unwell. I also wanted to say a proper thank you too.

I did use strategies around my gut sensitivity which worked for me. I have been part of a wonderful group using a UK based app called Calm Gut. In it I learned even more about ‘not staying so safe we never leave home’ and so applied it carefully to my visit.

I even did two practice drives. One back to the area where I had memories of trauma and then into the hospital area another time to help my body and mind feel safe.

I admit the days leading up to the appointment last Wednesday saw a lot of worry about me getting there…of course…but with my mind helping my body I did it.

I had a measured and quiet morning and even ate a small amount of breakfast as my gut was ‘behaving’ for the occasion…and here’s how it went:

I was so pleased…and yes my mouth is OK but I got another lecture about cleaning better…ha! He was thrilled with this image as a collage:

B was so happy to see me doing this as was I.

I expected a let down of sorts…and by the next day, I had some I.B.S. back but I have a different approach to handling my reactions to it..mostly. And I eat now. I don’t go hungry any more.

I know that’s been a long one to read and take in but I was very keen to share about how I achieved what I did and why.

Have you ever tried exposure therapy?

Take care,

Denyse x

Well, there I was thinking I was posting on Monday 27 April something I was needing to say, and share about the memories, the grief and trauma remembered around my oral cancer.

And then, as stress about attending (all fingers crossed please!) an appointment with my prosthodontist has increased…as has my potential I.B.S.

So, look at me, thinking about ‘capacity’ and ‘self care’ I am not sharing that post now.

I know I would find it somewhat challenging and perhaps something best not managed today.

Instead I am sharing the ‘pic of my pics’ around nature that I see here most days.

I take a walk most days locally here.

I did this on Sunday afternoon. A glorious one here.

I sure hope to get to see my prosthodontist this Wednesday.

Wish me well.

Kindest regards,

Denyse x

I am glad you are here.

I usually post once a week on Mondays but for this post, I am making

an exception because, I feel both compelled and honoured to do so.

This was going to be a note…and then as I kept adding to it, it’s become what I refer to as a post.

A.N.Z.A.C. Day is…

It’s A.N.Z.A.C. Day on 25 April … a day of remembrance and appreciation…

Held, initially, to commemorate the landings at Gallipoli in 1915, which sadly saw many lives lost.

Australian

New

Zealand

Army

Corps

I’m sure there will be more posts & notes & photos shared here too.

My view is it’s a day of both gratitude and sorrow.

I would not be “me” as my paternal grandparents met because of WW 1.

He was an enlisted soldier (originally from Cowdenbeath in Scotland but migrated with his family) to Wollongong Australia in his youth.

He saw action as an Ambulance Driver in France and was affected by mustard gas so was sent, as many were, to a military hospital at Sutton Veny in UK. My grandmother was a local woman who played the piano and along with others helped with morale…

They became engaged by the end of the war. He was repatriated and she sailed to Australia on boat filled with war brides and babies!

They were wed in Wollongong (my place of birth too) & went on to have 4 children. My dad was eldest son & 2nd child. The depression that saw many families poor affected them & Dad’s father who worked where & when he could was injured in a workplace accident.. and later would be part of another one, sadly causing loss of life because of its severity. Dad was 11.

Life changed, as it does for many, as a result of poverty and discrimination as my paternal grandmother was shunned by her late husband’s parents … and her widowed mother emigrated from UK to support her daughter & family with a house.

My photos tell a little of my story.

Me at a memorial for ANZAC Day- Central Coast NSW 2015-16

My paternal grandparents

Their young family.

My painting of a poppy with the poem “In Flanders Fields”. My late dad loved this & had it in his unit to look at.

My attendance at dawn at local beach on the Central coast 2021 on ANZAC Day.

And in the centre of Sydney, where I live, this place will be packed out for the Dawn Service which will commence around the time my post will be live.

I finish with the words…

And at the going down of the sun and in the morning we will remember them…

Lest

We

Forget

Sending love and warmest wishes to you all.

Denyse x

I’ve made some minor changes to appearance here as I appreciate the bright colours which bring JOY, AWE and WONDER into my life and these are but one example.

Share Denyse Whelan

We are in the second month of Autumn in our part of Australia…a north western suburb of Sydney and whilst my image above is Spring-like (love pink and green) we are getting to the deciduous trees letting leaves stage here!

About Trees.

I admit that I took trees for granted until the last year or so. I did enjoy looking at the wonder of their shapes, sizes and types before, but now with a different and more informed set of senses.

I’ve read books (listened) about trees and their special qualities and amongst these I learned:

• a tree will grow beside another but will not block its access to light

• a tree will look out for another tree which may be starved of some nourishment and share it

• leaves from deciduous trees turn from green to their multi-colours because ‘nature’ has an in-built way of stopping the green form on the leaves until it is ‘the next time’ for it to be green

• we NEED trees for our air to breathe

• a tree will find water where it can, even if the roots need to GO along way

• the sturdiness of a tree can be an anchor

My Tree Experiences.

I always knew I loved seeing trees and taking photos but I started getting more into making physical contact by walking near trees and giving myself a chance to allow my nervous system to take in the good from a tree.

Most days I walk near and beside the trees just over the road from our place. Doing it at different times of the days makes each experience unique.

I sought some solace from trees in recovery after having my emotional health compromised from over a decade of stress and trauma.

I admire and look for trees that a little bit different.

I love seeing and feeling that each tree is unique.

Where I See Trees.

Sanctuary Drive:

Parramatta Park:

The Hawkesbury Area:

Outside Our Place:

And to these cheeky tree lovers I am grateful…and they are for the tree on the footpath here.

Do you visit trees as I do?

And whilst I do not have a forest as such to ‘bathe in’ I have many chances where I can be at peace (or find peace) where the trees are!

Thanks for reading and following.

Warmest of wishes for being here…and I so LOVE comments.

Denyse x